Weeds

Episode Report Card
Wing Chun: A | 2 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Pittsburgh

For the season finale, we return to the original Malvina Reynolds "Little Boxes," and then we're in the bathroom with Shane, as he practises his graduation speech.

And then we're in Silas's room, where Nancy, her hair still wet from the shower, is sitting on the bed, putting the evidence of Silas's criminal activity into garbage bags. Lupita enters with coffee, and Nancy asks whether she knew about all this. Lupita says she thinks Silas did it for Nancy, though Nancy is not so sure. She sits Lupita down and tells her that if anything happens to her-- "What's going to happen to you?" Lupita demands. Nancy says probably nothing, but that if something did, the kids are to go to her sister Jill, "not Mandy." Oh, there's a story there. She starts describing how Lupita can find Jill's contact information in her address book, but as it gets more and more convoluted, Nancy finally stops herself and tells Lupita to forget it; she's going to be fine. Nancy: you have children. Please get a will.

In his bed, Andy is telling Kat he's not going to Chile with her. She throws out a few other options, all of which he rejects, asking why they have to flee, anyway. Um. The angry people coming after Nancy? The angry Inuit coming after Kat? Have you not been watching the show, Andy? Starting in with a wristie to soften the blow (as it were), Kat explains that she stole over $1 million in poker chips from a casino. She knows a guy in South America who'll buy them for thirty-four cents on the dollar, and then they can buy a "casita" and start having babies. Managing to keep his head despite the activities already going on south of the border, Andy gently says that while he loves that Kat is crazy, but that he never intended her to find him again. Kat seems to take this announcement in stride, saying that she wants to lick the space where his toes used to be. Andy likey.

A dissolute Celia sits in her ruined motel room. She's wasted, smoking, and has food smeared all over her face and shirt -- but don't count Celia out yet! Because she's watching surveillance videos, and gets a nice big close-up of the bandit's face: Silas. "Son of a bitch!" Celia spits. "Son of a fucking cold bitch!"

Speaking of whom, Nancy calls Silas from her kitchen. He still hasn't come home, but she offers him amnesty if he comes straight home, probation if he makes it to Shane's graduation. Shane enters, all besuited, and Nancy is thrilled to see him all fancy. He asks if Silas is coming, and whether they're really moving; Nancy doesn't know on either count. Shane takes a moment, and then asks what he should tell people when they ask what she does. "Tell them I'm your mom," says Nancy, her voice breaking. Yeah, don't even try to sell that "tomatoes" shit. Shane adds that he's been doing some research online, and he really thinks they'd do well in Pittsburgh. Nancy takes that under advisement. I recommend Scranton; there's a perfectly nice paper-company executive Nancy could easily exploit for her own purposes.

Chez Hodes. As they eat cereal and watch anime, Dean sort of chucks Isabelle on the shoulder, and she accidentally flings some cereal onto the floor. She freaks out, leaping up to clean it, but Dean tells her to take it easy; it's just milk. Isabelle says that Celia will be mad, but Dean tells her Celia's not here. Isabelle matter-of-factly says that she'll be back, but Dean very seriously says that she won't this time. Isabelle takes a moment, and then asks if Dean remembers the Harry Potter books they've read. Dean affably says he loves them. Isabelle: "Mom is Voldemort." This notion actually seems to freeze Dean to the core as Isabelle says that he may have reduced her to vapour for now, but that even now, she's gathering her strength, preparing to return stronger than ever. Dean swallows hard, and then pastes on a smile and tells Isabelle to go get ready for graduation. Once she's gone, he starts cleaning up the spill, thinking how much he wishes Celia were just a vampire.

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