Jewel: "Gays of LA, would you like to hear a song called 'Paint This Club With Amazing'?"
Gays Of LA: "That is totally dumb just like us! Thanks for not condescending! Pointless California Gay is like Regular Pointless Gay with a double shot of Pointless Gay on top!"
Team Sonyae Scotty Nick watch the boring unhappy gays dance to the song. They are some smirky motherfuckers. Scotty seems to be having the most amazingly-painted night of his life; Kara DioGuardi seems to have painted her personal club with Restylane tonight. Watching the people overbite about the song and/or touch themselves in a desperate attempt to appear like they're enjoying any of this -- it is almost as tough as watching the people sing to themselves with the headphones.
The Gays of LA don't seem to have heard of dancing before tonight, and it's awkward. Maybe they're all tourists or extras. Actually, you know what, they probably taped this at like six in the afternoon, so I bet it's like virgins from Comic Con or something. They have the look of being an inauthentic crowd-shaped crowd, you know what I mean?
Song two is Team Karen Blessing Amber and Johnny. It's slow but it sounds good, okay. Johnny looks at ease in this context is all I'm saying. I think the problems with this song are in production, and if the judges like it they'll like it because of some mysterious implicit quality that they're judging on.
Nick: Bitching out and rolling his eyes, of course.
Nick: "That was the kind of song that you'd rather leave and piss when it plays. I am still the goddamn worst."
Team Jackie-Jes-Brian: The "My Ridiculous" track is pretty lame, but the vocals and arrangement are pretty awesome. Brian, of course, is worried about how his amazing contribution is left out and therefore the face of the song is stupid. Oh Brian, you're my ridiculous. I just wish you weren't so unattractive, with the Elvis eyeballing and all that cheek sucking.
Scotty: "I have heard a lot of dance music. That, plus a propensity for ill-mannered comediennes, makes up a lot of My Whole Thing."
I love that each of their talking-heads is like a 60% chance they'll utter that sentiment about this week's genre of music. Everybody in this episode is either defined by their secret love of dance music, their total gayness which is really what Scott is selling right now which kind of pisses me off frankly, or how they are defined by whatever Southern bullshit cornpone momma cooking thing.