Platinum Hit
Dance Floor Royalty

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
I Can Hear The Ooh-Ahhs

Amber: Seems to be mostly different pronunciations -- hell, spellings -- of the word "way." It's like e.e. cummings over here.

it's my way til payday
how much do you


Scotty: Well. The song is called "Paint This Club With Amazing," and the first thing he does is paint the floor with Amazing, and then presumably the walls are painted with Amazing, and so forth. But ironically, he forgot to put on primer first, so the Not-So-Amazing you can see it coming through the Amazing before it's even dried and you gotta be like, "Oh, shit. How Amazing."

Seriously, watching these thin-voiced people sing and give themselves their own echo effects and desperation with Donna Summer shooting hate lasers are them. It is like the most embarrassing thing that's ever happened.

Donald Trump & Sarah Palin: "Man, this is ugly."

Sonyae: Is bullshitty some more. I'm in NYC this week and the Carroll stop of the F has a poster for this dumb show and it's like all of them hanging out and writing on the wall about their reasons for writing ("I write for money," or "I write to express myself" or whatever dumb thing) and the Brooklyn kids have taken it upon themselves to add more writing to this situation and Sonyae's mouth is now saying, "I WRITE FOR ATTENTION." Which means at least one other person is watching this show, because for real.

Donna Summer: "That wasn't bad, fellow female African-American."
Sonyae: "Thanks for your approval, even though I don't need it. From anybody."

Melissa: Has gone with "natural disasters" after all, and turns out a surprisingly roughed-up sort of grammatically suspect club thing. I think if life was the X-Men Melissa would be Rebecca Romijn, because you just never know with her.

Johnny: The song is called "Push On You" and I suppose the main message is that breasts are inviting but penises, not so much. Donna Summer is unimpressed; the song is gross. It's about how your dance moves make him want to push on you. Which the image that brings up is just like this irresistible force, this weak vegan wall of Heterosexual Johnny, coming right at you, hips jutting, skinny jeans, and like no matter what you do, there he is pushing on you. He's very attractive, obviously, not to say kinda stunning sometimes, but good God that does not sound fun.

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Platinum Hit




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