Jewel: "That was like watching an exorcism. Like an exorcism of a boring demon out of a boring person who just figured out they have zero personal agency."

BACKSTAGE

Jes continues to hurl herself around like a nutbar screaming about what a pushover she is, as though she just noticed this fact. Brian and Scotty stare, eyes wide, as the exorcism continues. There is something not entirely authentic about this fit she's throwing, which I think adds to the trainwreck aspect. It's suspect and more than a little creepy. Nick tries to offer words of "encouragement" about how sometimes it's better to be a dick, and she tells him to fuck off because nobody wants to hear it. Sonyae just kind of giggles and watches her act crazy; they're all shocked that she's even having, like, an opinion. It's both boring and unpleasant at the same time.

What's intriguing to me is that she's basically performing the deal with their songs right now. We are socialized, especially those of us who sleep with men, to equate being "nice" with never saying no. There are plenty of sneaky ways to assert power that don't break that rule, but that rule is a real thing. The system's been gamed that way for the entirety of human existence: For even a provisional amount of determining power you have to sneak under the radar by pretending to be a passive idiot. If being gay weren't so terribly demeaning, weren't just as bad as being a woman, maybe Nick wouldn't be so stressed about it.

That's actually why "What It Feels Like For A Girl" was the first song I thought of, because it's literally about that: When you're trying hard to be your best/ Could you be a little less? Whether you're a gay dude or a straight chick, being Paris Hilton is always the easiest exit strategy to avoid that kind of pressure, because you're the only one capable of fucking up the real good system men have going, so don't rock the boat and don't ever say No.

And Scott's whole song was about trading that begrudging acceptance for personal sovereignty, which is a discovery that is pretty much a miracle every time it happens: If you can learn to equate the pressure to be "nice" with being victimized, which is what it actually is, you can take it apart in your own life and see the deals being made that you didn't even know you were making.