BACKSTAGE II

Sonyae sings her song at them as they return -- annoying but believable, if not quite understandable -- and then is patronizingly glad for them that they all got judge love.

Everybody In Private, Even Nick: "I am shitting it, man."

Everybody Out Loud: "It was so great how they liked all of our songs. I really love that about all of our songs, that they were all beloved."

Everybody In Private, Even Nick: "I am maybe going home at this juncture."

Everybody Out Loud: "Doesn't it just feel good to get so much praise? I felt like they were saying they didn't want to choose between their children, and our songs were their children. Out of their butts, in some cases."

THE WORLD'S LAST SPIN

Scotty: Without further ado, he is of course moving to the Finale. It's not even worth remarking on, really. He's wonderful.

Jes: Great pop melodies, but too juvenile and silly as usual.
Nick: Wipe that motherfucking face off your face and hear me when I say your melody was nothing special.

And then?

NICK GOES HOME!

Wow, dude. Even Nick cannot muster a single response except to hug her in congratulations and stand there feeling bad. Jes, of course, shrieks and hops around like a goblin and runs backstage screaming, shocking the glitter off both Scotty and Sonyae.

Judgery: "Nick, this week was a breakthrough for you. We are fans. You finally found your true stuff and your personal wonder, but left out the strong melodies that got you here."
Nick: "[Whatever is tone-deaf and off-putting, whatever refuses to read the room]."
Judgery: "You just couldn't let it go, could you? Don't let the door hit you in the punk rock on your way out."

Next week: The three friendliest, classiest, most easygoing people attempt to confront their own failings and celebrate their awesomeness. Then they all break down crying and lose their shit. Then Leona Lewis shows up, bleeding all over everybody as usual.

Meantime: No, I think we covered it. I love the hell out of "not everybody thinks the world is ending," though. I would honestly like it to say that on my tombstone. I don't know what else to say. What a perfect sentiment.