Jes's song is lovely, fits the track beautifully, and manages to be about her hipster love affair in a way that doesn't particularly ping any trouble spots. It's pretty perfect pop, honestly. I hope she wins. She does a cute dance; a boy booty-grinds in front of Keith, which cracks him up, and the lonesome ginger even cracks nearly a smile.

Sonyae's song is sinister in a way I think the kids might like, because it's nervous-making, and altogether it's a fun thing. Also, it's possible that she might win because all the kids -- excepting Miserable Ginger of course -- start pointing at the exit every time she says "exit," which as previously noted is like one million times, and everybody knows that you have to make up a dance if you want to be famous. You have to superman that exit.

Hot DJ That I Would Not Mind Getting Pregnant If We're Being Totally Honest With Each Other: "Scotty's song is called 'World's Last Spin.'"

Sonyae [sic, as usual and forever]: "That's fars out."

The children all lie down on the floor as if they are planking, but there is no planking yet: They are just bored. But eventually it kicks in and everybody starts dancing around and enjoying themselves and singing along, and it is The Worst.

Hot DJ makes them vote, and we learn how voting works for a while. It's fucking awkward.

Nick: "That process was fucking awkward."

BACKSTAGE

Everybody: "Who knows what kids want? They are so mysterious, as we are all 22 years of age. Being intensely self-centered, when we're not stabbing each other in the back and crying about if boys like us, we couldn't hope to understand what high schoolers are like."

Nick: "I just barfed eleven times. Please don't tell the others. My even-tempered professionalism has served me well so far in this competition."

I get so worried they're going to forget to remind me to Shazam that I've started just Shazamming at all times.

RUNWAY

Jewel: "How great was our terrifying idea of making teenagers choose the song?"
Everybody: "So great, Jewel."