Platinum Hit
Make It Pop

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
Not Everybody Thinks The World Is Ending

Sonyae: "Exit" sounds like a song Sonyae might sing, if you know what that's like. Perez loves her 'tude and personality because duh, but Jewel points out that there was not really a hook and it was more like three words, two of which were the word Exit.

Nick: "Boom Boom" is a song about things going "boom boom" which weirds out Jes and Sonyae but bothers Scotty a little because Nick knows what he is doing. Perez wonders what it is that is booming or whatever, and Jewel tells Nick to stop writing songs about what happened today because his life is not that interesting.

Jewel, verbatim: "All right, now Perez and I are going to 'gossip' about what we just heard."

Nice one, Kilch.

Perez: "The worst one by far was... Nick!"

The clouds part; everybody wonders what is ever happening on this show.

Jes Is: Overjoyed.
Nick Is: Disgusted.

Jes Was: Third place, unmemorable, whiny.

Scotty & Sonyae: Nearly tied, but then Scotty's creepy butt-baby song wins.

Sonyae: "Perhaps I should investigate this idea of having 'melodies' in my songs. I have not yet harvested that fertile fecundity."

Jewel: Tricks Perez into saying his name backwards, and just like that he's gone.

Nick: "When Jewel told us that we wouldn't be collaborating this week, I sort of shit my pants because that's my only contribution to society, being good at collaborating, for short periods of time, with people I have otherwise threatened to murder. So now I have to write a good song? That's bullshit! It stresses me out also because of the nonstop shit-talking I tend to do, as our nation's preeminent hater."

Jewel: "We've already given you a track, so all you have to do is write lyrics and melodies. Sonyae, I'm looking at you. Also, for no reason at all, there are Clovers in the atmosphere."

Yes, the Santa Monica High School cheer squad will be choosing this week's winning song, and the loser will lose (and that's your Finale, because guess what there's only one episode left). For real that's what's going on. We always say that Jewel just makes this shit up as she goes along: That's proof. Can you imagine if they'd done it like this every time?

"This week's challenge is empowerment. Your mystery judges will be a women's shelter. Don't let them down, they've been through enough."

"For the road trip challenge, your mystery judge will be these boxcar winos. First prize is you get immunity. Second prize is, you get stabbed."

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Platinum Hit




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