Platinum Hit
Make It Pop

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
Not Everybody Thinks The World Is Ending


Scotty: "My confidence is completely shaken. I will draw on my experience with Jordin Sparks."

Nick: "My confidence is completely shaken. I will draw on my extensive experience being in heterosexual relationships with 100% bitches. Women are the worst!"

Jes: "My confidence is completely shaken."

Sonyae: "[No idea. No clue at all.]"

Jes: "I like collaborating because it allows me to synthesize other people's ideas without contributing in any way."
Sonyae: "My entire family is diseased and on fire."
Jes: "I am better than Nick! Why don't people just know that without me having to demonstrate any skills?"
Nick: "Not to freak your mind, but high school was kind of tough on me."
Scotty: "I painted high school with amazing at the time, I'm going to paint it with amazing today. And if some guys get pregnant in their butts, well, It Gets Better."

Hip Vice-Principal Who Can Talk To The Youth: "Yo peeps I got to tweet you with some mad hot beats you knowmsayn yo."

Jes: "Taio Cruz is here! He's like the black Mark Ronson, in that what would be mediocre in America somehow becomes amazing when British people do it. The same reason Lady Gaga and Madonna and Gwyneth Paltrow all talk like that. It's also why Lindsay Lohan continues to flail in the mire, because she refuses to knuckle under to the Anglophile Cabal and talk like a jackass just to appear relevant. In other news, wotcher guvner, wot wot?"


They play studio versions of the songs for the whole gymnasium, so the regular awkward feeling of watching the artists and mentors and judges listen to their own songs is compounded mightily by the 100% Clive Barker horror of watching teenagers attempt to enjoy things while being filmed. (Exempt from this skin-crawling scenario, not that I needed to mention it, is Keith Naftaly, who looks both divine and perfectly serene.)

You're already checking in literally every second with literally everyone around you at all times, right, as a kid, but then put a camera on it? And famous people? And you're meant to be listening to a song and deciding right then and there whether you like it or not? I predict half of these children will call home sick by the time we're done here. It's possible I might not make it my own self.

Nick's song is like... Oh my God these kids. Okay, just don't watch. Listen.

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Platinum Hit




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