Platinum Hit
Rap Heroes

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
Do Not Miss Your Chance to Blow

Jes & Jackie stare horrified at all of this occurring, like it's a dog they just ran over. The chaos is impressive to behold. Everybody who thought they were on top of this is looking regretful, and everybody who has no idea what's going on -- Johnny -- is staring in abject terror and disgust, and the two people who might have the presence of mind -- Brian and Amber -- are the ones that just managed to get a taste of Jackie's nonexistent "dark side," and thus stay silent.

Ugly, yes, but if you just posit the artiste self-centeredness of these people it's pretty easy to see that Nick is 100% running this table, because he is in the grips of his own personal bullshitty bullshit, which makes it easier to watch for the rest of them but way worse for the watching of him. Because he's not a bad person: I don't believe in evil, I believe in personal misfortune. But that doesn't make it funny or scary to watch, just sad. He's so young and so full of magic and so very, very far from getting there. He is kind of a bummer to watch on TV.

On the network that airs the Real Housewives franchise, I'm saying, Nick is a little upsetting to be dealing with.


Back to the judges, where Brian's face is once again doing all the trucks you wish it never learned. Kara calls him out for working so hard on the bad track and no lyrics. Jackie took her hook and made troubles with it. Amber's contributions were not a help in any way.

Jewel: "It's not how much you bring to the project, it's the quality of what you bring. Except for this week, where Amber as usual brought nothing that you were able to tell us about, and will thus be punished by beheading. Amber, submit yourself to me. To my authority."

Kind of a bummer that she got kicked for the thing we've been saying since the beginning, that she had no identifiable viewpoint, but out of the three of them she's the one we'll miss the least because we never really met her. I'll miss looking at her, for sure, and she's been good in the sessions. But I can honestly say I don't remember a single thing she actually did.


Jackie, sobbing: "Back to me, though, it's even sadder that everybody hates me!"
Everybody: "Oh, Jackie."

Nick: "Just to sum up, I would like to say that Jackie is the worst piece of garbage you've ever seen in the universe, and I'd like to put my penis in Amber. In her vagina. Put those two statements together, and I come off outrageously gay. Pass me that eyeliner?"

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Platinum Hit




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