Scotty: "Jes, you have got to stop thinking that you are R&B. You're not R&B. You're never going to be R&B. I am writing this whole song myself. I still don't get the point of Jes. Nobody seems to."
ObliviJes: "We are collaborating beautifully!"
Nick: (Sings exactly the song that Johnny would have him write.)
Johnny: (Mugs at the fucking camera; calls it "trite BS" because he can't separate the singer from the song; has no sense of the irony here at all.)
Yeah, it sounds like trite BS: That is your commodity. The only difference between Johnny-as-Johnny and Nick-as-Johnny is that you don't like Nick, and that you are presuming that we also don't like Nick and thus will agree with you about the unrelated issue of the song's quality. But that is not how the world works. (Well, that is kind of how the world works. But not when you can see the seams and stretch marks on it, like here.) Openly inviting us to see the movie inside your head, where you are Joseph Gordon-Levitt and the whole world is your Zooey, just makes it a smug exercise in being a sheltered young person without much to say, which is what you were already doing.
Johnny: (Sings the exact same song, but it's better because it's him.)
Nick: (Finds a way to quibble anyway. Never fear.)
For this performance, the part of Jackie Tohn's ADD delirium will be played by Johnny and Nick's devotion to their loggerheads/determination to be the main character here.
Nick: "I am not going onstage with this song! It has been ruined!"
Johnny: "We are so angry! Look at us living in a story about our being angry!"
Nick: (Stalks out the room, finally broken.)
Johnny: (Literally punches the air in triumph. Jesus, with this guy.)
ASSHOLES ARE SO ATTRACTIVE: WHY
Nick: "He is trying to write the worst song possible. I can smell the sabotage!"
Johnny: "I have effectively crashed this plane in the wilderness."
Nick, suddenly appearing: "Have you not noticed how for six weeks I've been consistently lauded as a dream collaborator, and now all of a sudden I'm the problem? Does that not sound fucked up to you?"