Previously on Platinum Hit: The music died.
Immediately after all the color and shape went out of the world, Jewel showed up on her unicorn and told them all that the Jigsaw Killa decided that they had to stay in that room and write all the hooks that there are in music and that once they have written all the hooks that there are in music, the stars will start going out one by one and then Biggie will return and save us all. Or possibly it will be Sting in a Biggie suit, Jewel's not sure.
Sonyae: "That just goes to show you with this contest, you just never know."
First they write their names on a piece of paper and they all put them in Nick's porkpie hat so their names will smell like Ventura Blvd. jerkwad forever and ever after. Jewel pulls out pairs of names to create teams.
Jes and Scotty: That will be good. They are the people whom I would most like to listen to in real life.
Nick and Anybody: Will be very bad, but I very much hope it will be Johnny... Score! Oh, they are so miserable! ¡Que delicioso!
Johnny, verbatim: "Are you shittin' me, brah? Really? Dick Ditolli?"
Which leaves Sonyae and Brian, which means titties are on the menu for sure. They are going to write the magnum opus of song cycles about boobs, I can feel it. Or else stalking because they both write stalker songs most of the time. 69 Stalker Songs. Or maybe it will be a duet and she will be like, "Why don't you love me? All the boys love me." And he can be like, "Why don't you love me? No girls love me." And she can be like, "I DO LOVE YOU!" and he can scream "I LOVE YOU TOO!" and in the end of the song they are like, "BUT IT DID NOT WORK OUT!" Twist!
TOTES MOS DEFTONES SONGWRITING SESH BRAH
Brian: "I have ideas!"
Sonyae: "Me too, in my way."
Nick: "The best way for us to collaborate is if you are in a different room."
Johnny: "I was just thinking that."
Jes: "What if I think I'm Ke$ha? It will sound horrible, watch."
Oh my goodness it is so bad.
Scotty, barfing: "This is the worst thing you've ever done to a person."
Jes: "But it's the only thing I've ever done on this show, so..."
Scotty, verbatim: "I think she probably has a Jetta at home that she drives to and fro."
Brian: "I will sing the tunes okay, but the words themselves will just be gibberish."