Johnny-Nick-Jackie: "Stuck In My Head." It sounds exactly like a Nick song, which is to say if Yellowcard thought they were Elvis Costello. I don't know the surf-douche world enough to know if that's a burn, but I hope it's the meanest thing you can say. Once Jackie gets involved, vocally, it's gorgeous. She even does some of his blink-182 pronunciations. Then Johnny does a guitar solo and it's the dumbest thing, but he's so cute though.

Jes-Melissa: "It's You." Basically an entire song about what it would be like to be born without genitalia.

"I want to play kickball with you/ And go see Milo & Otis with you/ And we can pretend to cry or be scared during the sad or scary parts/ To impress each other with our total authenticity/ And hand-holding stamina/ And I want to have a slumber party in my parents' basement with you/ And swim out to the tire swing with you/ In a one-piece bathing suit/ That I knitted myself."

BACKSTAGE

Melissa's still doing that fucked up affected unreal Hogwarts-Michigan-Toddler-Mouse Overalls accent, like her natural meanness and space-caseness aren't unpleasant enough now she's squeaking her way through the stupid shit she says in this unbearably cutesy way, and it's just so much hustle to get nowhere but Weirdsville, which is like her entire bag.

Melissa: "Usually I'm the crazy one!"
Everybody: "Bitch, you are still the crazy one. If it's between you and absolutely anyone on this planet, you will automatically be the crazy one."
Melissa: "I'm normal because I am weird. I choose to be weird."
Everybody: "First of all, that's not true. Second of all, we just kind of realized this is giving you an excuse to talk about yourself, so we hate ourselves a little. Third of all, stop saying you choose things that happen to you. You do it all the time. And then you pretend that your retarded baby voice is not a choice."
Jackie: "Jes is the most normal person here!"

Not untrue. Not really a compliment, but not untrue. Makes it all the easier to fall in love you. Now that I love Jackie it feels weirder to make fun of Jes, but the showmance thing, the Johnny of it all, is just too much. Too much to take.