Kara: "Maybe if you'd told her you hated all the lyrics, you could sell us that you helped in some fashion. Instead, you are telling us straight up that you refused to do even that."Melissa: "Yeah, because she was sick and I didn't want to make her feel bad."Kara: "But you're still contributing to the process, if you do that. By talking and having an opinion."Melissa, the sudden Jekyll of her: "Don't you fucking dare condescend to me, LaGuardia. I got possums older'n you."Kara: (Turns to the other judges grinning wildly because that was amazing.)
Jewel: "Sprout, why should we keep you?"Jes: (An ugly, desperate, half-sincere display. Cannot squeeze out a single tear or even sell her desire to be on the show. I think maybe she's just a ventriloquist dummy from Jackie's shelf that came to life one day. Hocus Pocus Alamagocus.)Melissa: (Rolls her eyes because she is herself terrible, but also because Jes is super hard to deal with today. Or even look at.)
Judges: "Wuornos over there, how about you?"Melissa: "There are so many reasons."
Ryan Tedder: (Finally realizes this bitch is for real! His eyes get so wide!)
Judges: "Okay but like what are they?"Melissa: "I feel like it would be mean to tell you."
Kara: "You have an amazing opportunity to show your talent. Just handed to you, this show. Despite the mental health background check. You could really be using this opportunity to show what you're brilliant at."Jekyll again: "I don't need to show you a damn thing."Kara: (Checks the fuck out, finally.)
Jewel: "Melissa and Jes, it could not be clearer what's going to happen here, but let's go through the empty exercise of sending you both backstage."Jackie: "Jes, are you okay? You look like you're dying."Johnny: "Is it our baby? Is the baby okay?"Jes: "I think I have Epstein-Barr Disease or something with gluten. Chronic Fatigue Syndrome maybe."Johnny: "Chronic, whaaaaaat!"
What follows is an Easter Egg hunt of sorts, as Jes tosses herself around the room demanding attention and sucking the air out from all over the place, followed by Johnny who keeps trying to curl up inside her shirt and suck his thumb, like he imagines a boyfriend would do, but because this is the first opinion she's ever had she's actually working herself up to quite a lather, so she keeps shrugging his grody touch-attacks and flailing around the room, and it goes on forever and it's so awesome.