Platinum Hit
The L Word

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
Sprout & The Mean

Scotty: "Well, I'm bored of that. Melissa, we've all worked with you so we know you're the worst. None of us has missed out on your charms. Therefore, why do you think any of us would side with you? What do you bring to the table, ever?"
Melissa, verbatim: "Scotty, I'm not going to respond to your ridiculous questions."
Scotty: "How is that ridiculous? Everybody else here is working their asses off and talking about themselves constantly, and yet you get to have this mysterious reason for being here that nobody's allowed to know about, and you are accomplishing this agenda in these mysterious ways that nobody's allowed to know about, and it's bullshit."

Melissa: "Essentially I am not smart enough for the inside of my own head. The chaos therein. So at some point I decided that I wasn't going to leverage my self-worth or allow myself to be judged, by offering up my art to these people."
Scotty: "So your ass came on a game show -- a competition, with your peers -- but you don't want to feel judged? How the fuck did you think that was going to work?"
Melissa: "No, no. I made this decision about five minutes ago. Retroactively."

Melissa: "I think the judges will pull some of that bullshit, like 'Who did the majority of the work' or 'Who contributed the least' or some bullshit like that."
Jackie: "Or maybe it'll be some bullshit like, 'One of you wrote the song and the other one did nothing'?"
Melissa: "Yeah, some shit like that maybe. I don't really understand sarcasm."


Johnny, ver-fuckin'-batim: "I really feel for Jes. To have written about something so real for us, and then have it not do so well, I know it's awful for her."

Do we even need to parse it? Are we all clear on the Johnny concept at this point? God, that's golden. Just pure molten gold running through God's earth and out Johnny's mouth. I love it to life. "Something so real, something we both feel so strongly and then they didn't act like it was the most beautiful orchid ever smuggled. How hard for her." Nothing about the song, because the song was shitty and she might be dying, but just to know that he is sympathetic for her, in their ongoing teamwork to pretend that their relationship is real, makes me want to sing.


Kara: "You both are killin' us. Jes, the lyrics were stupid and meaningless, just like your love. Jandek over here, all you ever do is be crazy and bitchy. That's not writing a song, it's just bad behavior."
Jewel: "Jes, you're obviously safe."
Jandek Over Here: "You judges are fucking idiots. I don't mean that personally, it's just a fact."
Kara: "Yeah, we're gonna miss you like crazy."

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Platinum Hit




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