Platinum Hit
The Winner Takes It All

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
The Song of Your Life

Scotty & Kidd: (Make gay love.)
Kidd: "Songs can always be better, though."
Scotty: "How disheartening."

Jes & Sonyae: "The basics have deserted me!"


The producer they were talking about before, JR Rotem, lives in a magical cave that is a museum of guitars and things with buttons. He wears a shiny shirt so that his wizard magic doesn't freak your mind, because it is refracted by the shirt. He looks kind of like a drug dealer, but more than that he looks like a nerd who got surprise hot and now dresses on purpose like a drug dealer. If you could taste his mind it would taste like a Pop-Tart, that's how shiny and sparkled and deliciously processed it is. If he married Ryan Seacrest and they had a baby, it would be so perfectly accessible and charming, such a beautifully engineered pop product, that it could fight Taylor Swift in a secret Pokémon arena. And win.

Scotty: "It's pretty much a love song to myself. I was inspired by how I only write songs about myself. Also Bruno Mars."
JR: "I'm familiar with the music industry, so this doesn't even faze me."
(Scotty explains basic music stuff to us that he should be explaining to Sonyae.)

JR effortlessly rearranges Scotty's song and it sounds amazing. It's awesome because this part goes on for a really long time. I wish this was the whole show, this part of the process.

JR does the same thing with Jes, and she is her usual dream-collaborator self, and the song sounds amazinger and amazinger because JR Rotem is magical. Jes has depersonalized herself out of this process even more quickly than usual; she's pretty sure she's going to win.

JR watches Sonyae sing her tuneless words and somehow pulls the chords directly out of her brain. Sonyae's not entirely sure they're on the same page, but he quells her quibbles by offering lots of different options every time she gets worried. It just gets more awesome and prettier. I would like a show about this man instead of any other show. How beautiful this part of this episode is!

Sonyae: "It is the dopest shit ever that JR can do this thing where he reaches into brains. Even a normal brain that would be hard, but then you think about the roiling chaos inside my mind and it's like Dude is a sorcerer."

Jes: "I am still waiting for celebrity to just happen to me so that I don't have to work like everybody else."
Scotty: "This song about how amazing I am is good because it's about everything I love. Myself, talking about myself, and Voguing."
Sonyae: "[Some delirious combination of both.]"

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Platinum Hit




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