Brian, who is hot in a soap opera way, sings some kind of breathy piano guy thing, and one of the identical girls -- Amber? Is there even one named Amber? -- notices how hot he is. His voice is swallowed up by nerves, but whatever. These people are a mess, just a damned mess, so he ends up better because he's not worse.

Karen sings her song about making biscuits for homeless people in LA, and everybody's really nice because they can't tell if she's kidding or not. Jewel's like, "I'm glad you're pretty." Kara tells her she is a joke, and it's awesome.

Nevin sings a total Elton John song, poorly, and when he's done he drops his hands from the keys with the grodiest self-satisfied smug little grin like they're going to fight over his dick. Like Kara's going to shove Jewel in her giant boob and Jewel's going to be all, "Some men fear my snaggletooth, some love it, but they all get it. They all get the tooth."

Instead, Jewel and Kara just point at him and laugh and immediately sing how that was absolutely an Elton John song, and he acts appalled and -- to his credit -- a little embarrassed. I was assuming he would tell them about the widows.

Nick! He tells us that he is Michael Jackson a bunch of times and then pulls out his electric and plays it unplugged and it sounds okay. Okay if you think a sentence like "My references include blink-182" is okay, I mean. Not that he said that. He said it with his music.

TOP FOUR HOOKS & THEIR RESPECTIVE HOOKERS

In fourth place is Jackie, which is a little disappointing because she's so good, but makes sense because her song was not that great but neither was it Sonyae's or Karen's song.

Scotty comes in third, with his inspiring Kara-sounding song.

Second goes to Nick, so suck on that. In life, but especially in this world they all live in, it's okay to be a self-trumpeter as long as you can back it up, and he did okay. Too bad that he is a monster person. Kara praises in depth his understanding of music and hooks and everything; we'll see if that same punky-brewster riff is still blowing her mind in three weeks. I'm guessing no because I remember this happened to her on Idol one time, she'd never heard somebody do a radically stripped-down cover of a given song and she thought the dude invented it and then weeks later she was vengeful and awesome about it.