Previously on Platinum Hit was a really long time ago. Sonyae was loved to life, Jes wrote a bad song and made awful Melissa act even worse than usual. The show moved to Friday, I guess because Bravo wanted to Watch What Happens if the show lost even more viewers and is now being watched by a negative number of people.
Or a number of negative people, I guess. Such as Nick, who likes to sleep in a porkpie hat and necktie just in case anybody needs him to be a jerkoff at a moment's notice. Flash that doucherag Batsign up in the sky, here comes Nick skankin' towards you.
Scotty's just happy Melissa is gone, because she was both a drag and a monster -- I'm paraphrasing -- but now there's got to be something new for them to stress out about and he's excited to find out what it is, because Scotty likes to dwell sometimes.
Johnny still has his own apartment and still thinks that's interesting. He's so bizarre inside and so disturbingly About Johnny that probably he thinks that's a valid storyline. A boy and his empty apartment, and all the things he does and doesn't do in there. Johnny will marry a rollercoaster, like that one lady.
Jackie is wearing some vaguely stupid furred hat and being just a titch too cute for the morning, which is kind of her deal. Does dressing like a South Park mean she's going to be eliminated? And if so, does it mean she's coming back next week?
There's no Jewel, just Kara, which causes everybody to shit because yeah, they're both totally scary, but without Jewel balancing her out, it's like you really don't know which way Kara's going to go. The vibe is kind of like a substitute teacher? But more like if your dad's girlfriend resented taking you for the afternoon, and just wanted to go to Ventura Beach and smoke cigarettes and not talk to you. So that's what she does. Kara takes the kids to the Promenade to write songs about risking and riskiness, and then they will busk their hooks on the Promenade, and then they will count their money up, and then I guess they will go buy drugs.
Brian writes: About tits.
Jackie: Wears her hat and bitches about how loud Brian is, about the tits.
Awesomely, Sonyae -- who doesn't play an instrument and yet is still going to win this mother -- realizes that if she just stands on the corner and sings without an instrument, she won't look as dorky as the other ones writing their hooks: She will look full-on bonkers.