Sonyae: "Is my manner of dress appropriate for the crazy-person effect I wish to create? Check."

PERFORMANCE & JUDGING

Kara's there, darling Keith's there, Jewel and the girls are there, and then they bring in Bonnie McKee, who is amazing, who is absolutely the only worthwhile thing about Katy Perry.

Jes/Nick: "Save Yourself." Jes sings it awkwardly because she's not behind the keyboard. Jewel is bored immediately, and Kara hates women even more when they blastin' that 'toe. It sounds like every song written for a Disney movie -- except for the main hook, which is exactly "Barracuda," a song older than I am -- but like, you can imagine Selena Gomez starting college, or her first day of work at a PR agency, and this is the song that is playing.

Johnny/Brian: "Betting My Life On Jah." Just because it's reggae doesn't mean you do the accent. It's just racist. Brian sings the part about the old man and the dice; only Sonyae understands that part of the song. We meet Virginia, we listen to Mr. Mister on the radio, drops of Jupiter in your ears, stealing bread from the mouth of decadence, etc.

Scotty/Jackie/Sonyae: "Say It Back." Scotty tells Jackie to do the same thing with the voice, by singing all country, and she does a good job with that. It's more nasal than her usual beautiful voice, but it's all there. It's the best song, lovely harmonies, and if there's one thing I know about this show it's that the fact I like the song means they're going to fail. Jackie is going home. Somehow, they are going to get her.

Nick: "[Bitching. Bitching anyway, bitching all day long, bitching and making that face. That dreadful, nasty, childish little bitchy bitch face.]"

BACKSTAGE

Scotty: "I wonder who won first place? Just kidding, it was us."
Nick: "I don't know! Could be anybody. Except Jackie, because I hate her irrationally..."
Everybody: "What a strangely valid, not-horrific thing to say."
Nick: "...Because the judges are stupid and this show is stupid and farts and hatred."
Everybody: "There it is."