Platinum Hit
We Are Risk Takers

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
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You Don't Have To Say You Love Me

TOTES MOS DEFTONES RECRIMINAISH

Kara: "Scotty, you didn't help with lyrics, which is all Country music has because it's mostly for slow people who don't really like music. Jackie, you're about done here anyway."
Jewel: "Jackie. Jacob will miss you crazy bad."

Jackie: "Brutal."
Bonnie: (Nearly starts crying.)

Jewel: "But like, are you listening? Because your career is fine. You're amazing."
Keith: "Yeah. You're smart and funny and wonderful, don't sweat it."
Kara: (Says nothing at this point. Writes mean notes to herself about Jackie's looks.)

Jackie: "I reserve the right to remember that this is just a stupid game show at a future time, once I've had some rest."

She thanks them for their belief in her, because she is total class, and then gets her hugs from Jes and Sonyae. Brian almost sucks his head inside out, and Johnny weeps privately. Even Nick gets in on the group hug, because honestly this is the first one that actually hurts.

Jackie! Your ass will be fine! This was not your show! Your show doesn't exist, so stop being on TV! Your show is you! Go do that, you will be amazing! I want to send a future email to myself from years ago explaining that I don't actually hate you, so I never will future-say all the mean things I said about you. Even though sometimes they were funny and/or true, it all looks different from here.

They're recovered and talking about the genre thing when Jewel comes in to see them, and they all scream curse words because they're afraid of what's coming next. And it sounds like she's just there to Tim Gunn them and make them feel more alive and happy in the sudden deafening silence of no Jackie.

But no, wrong, there actually is a twist. And it starts ... NOW!

NEXT WEEK

24 hours to write all the hooks that there are in the world, and then they are strung up over a tank full of sharks and Mark Cuban hits them with a whiffle bat, piƱata style. Johnny takes up a Yiddish accent, Brian joins Big Brothers/Big Sisters, Jes slowly fades into actual invisibility without Jackie there to remember she exists, Sonyae writes so many hooks that nobody else can write any hooks because she took them all, and Scotty writes a song for Ryan Tedder called "It's Past Time For Apologies" and Ryan totally gets the joke and he's like, "Good one. Good burn, Scotty."

Guessing that Nick finds a new target. Hoping to God it's Johnny. Not because I bear him any ire or ill will but because it will be therapeutic for them both, and I want them to be happy. First very very sad, then a normal amount of happy. Then, and only then, can we begin to talk about the tangled mess of chaos that is Sonyae.

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Platinum Hit

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