Platinum Hit
We Are Risk Takers

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
You Don't Have To Say You Love Me

Sonyae: "I didn't worry about my immunity this week, I wanted to prove I didn't care and go even harder and go even bonkerser."
Jackie: "Scotty wanted Country, so did I, so we picked it."
Judges: (All they can think is Don't think about elephants about how Scotty and Sonyae are totally black; they all know Kara's the only one who will actually say it.)

Scotty: "I like the idea of 'Say It Back' because it's about saying it back."
Jewel: "Good point. But Johnny won this week again with that annoying song."

This is how you end up with Johnny. This kind of thing happening over and over.

Kara: (Reads the lyrics aloud; always weird to watch.)
Keith: (Is adorable; loves this song more than any other song so far.)
Bonnie: "You remind me of Jason Mraz. He's so relevant and cool. That's my paradigm."

Johnny, fucking verbatim: "It was utter dominaish. I am totes mos deftones stoked. [Grunts as though fucking an abstract concept]. Yes! Yes, bitch*!"

Johnny is a virgin. We know that now.


*(The grossest part here being how "bitch" is like, so much quieter than the rest of his sex grunting, as though he was being naughty but then maybe that word is suddenly too naughty or he shouldn't say it on TV. Like it's a dirty word, or like people will think that when he has his Aspergers sex with abstract comments, he likes it rough. But also polite.)

Johnny: (Eerily proving the powers of my intuition for six episodes running.)

Jewel: "Much like Sonyae, I have decided I am really into country music. Just putting that out there, in case my nothing-selling album passed you by. Jes, what was the deal with your dumb boring song?"
Jes: "It was about people being mean to Nick, basically. I guess that happens a lot."
Jewel: "Well. Stay tuned."

Jewel: "You believe yourselves to have written a pop song?"
Jes & Nick: "We do."
Jewel: "You believe wrongly. Fools. Again I lead you into self-incrimination! Hoisted by your own word-petards!"
Nick, nasty-faced: "How so?"
Kara: "Oh you fancy, huh?"

Jewel: "I know you did not just fucking contradict me, maggot."
Nick: "Let's ask Bonnie, jerks!"
Bonnie: "It was pleasant but boring and I found myself wishing it would end, and also your lyrics are completely stupid and overcomplicated both at the same time."
Nick: "That's because you're dumb and girls are dumb and nobody likes you."

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Platinum Hit




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