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Wheels Up

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Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
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Sordid Hipsters Of America

Last week: Donna Summer helped pick the big three hooks and their respective hookers, and it was ridiculous and painted the club with amazing while making it easy. Blessing went home for opting out of the project altogether, which was kind of satisfying. Nick only becomes worse and worse; Jackie becomes better and better. Nevin is still missed. Brian continues to chew on the inside of his face, possibly to help Elvis eventually emerge from that face. But either way, it's weird and not attractive, and your whole job -- especially as a crazy hot person -- is to keep your shit in line.

Everybody is so sleepy in the morning! Especially lonely Johnny, who has been deserted by his two roommates over the first two weeks.

Johnny: "Maybe it is a curse. I just know I hate having a job like a normal person, and yet haven't managed to create a career for myself on my own. I sure hope this game show does that for me!"

PERSONAL PLAYTIME

Everybody is astounded to see Kara because it is the daytime, so they all clap like she's a celebrity because she's appearing in a weird context. They act like hooligans, a little, to be honest. Vegan ones.

Kara: "Turns out this will be awkward for all of us. I don't read cue-cards very comfortably."
Jewel: "This week we are writing road trip songs. This is my favorite genre, due to having been born on the side of a highway and forced to rob Alaskan passersby for my food and beauty products. Until the day I met John Denver."

They all grab cards off this mantle that contain secret instructions: A word that must be included in the Road Trip Hook Challenge. Escape, view, free, away, change, explore, direction, pack, road and wheels are the words. But you're thinking, what shit can horrible fucking Nick talk about these simple words?

On his word, Wheels: "I hate wheels."
On Jackie also having a word: "I hate Jackie."

Brian: Laughs nervously at Nick's pointless bitching, because he is lonely. Or hates ladies. Or both. Or those things are related.

Jackie: "I got road. How perfect! Let me tell you at length why this is meaningful for America."
Nick: Makes fun of her a whole lot for essentially no reason, out of nowhere.
Jackie: "Is there a single person in this room that doesn't hate Nick?"
Nobody: "Yes, he's a useful individual that is not agonizing to be around."

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Platinum Hit

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