Platinum Hit
Wheels Up

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
Sordid Hipsters Of America

Kara: "Jewel, what if you had to work with Nick, what would happen?"
Jewel: "Nothing, because that would not be happening, because he is a cunt."
Nick: "Neener-neener, Kara! We're not in a songwriting session right now so your question is meaningless and you're stupid and everything is stupid!"
Kara: "Wrong answer, little lady. Life is a songwriting session."

Jackie, somehow undercutting her point by way of affectation: "The kid needs to check himself before he wrecks. For sure."


Brian: "Road trips are about masculine loving of women."
Jes: "Road trips are about strange moaning noises."
Karen: "Road trips are about screaming and childish sentiments."
Nick: "Road trips are about how everybody sucks. Except Karen, who is merely loud."
Johnny: "Road trips are about how much I love Jack Johnson. Nooo homo."
Amber: "Road trips are about my come-and-go urban accent. I hate roads, and trips, but I'm doing my best to be amazing."
Sonyae: "Road trips are about whining. Also, singing about what it's like to date men."
Scotty: "Road trips are about how special I am, so I am writing a honky-tonk song."
Melissa: "Road trips are about accordions and monkeys and Sirius also known as the Dog Star."

Jes: A pretty, boring, vague song. Johnny nods along and refuses to blink, because that's what love can be like. Kara likes the melody and the reedy weird voice she sang it with, and then Johnny tries to molest her calf, because hipsters in love are too gruesome to look at because they think everything is fifth grade still.
Melissa: Some kind of heartfelt song that sounds pretty good. Kara loves it, they all clap.
Amber: Accompaniment-free, but somehow Kara figures out where the hook is located. I just like Amber.
Karen: Is still a great performer who should stick to that; still the only person Nick seems to like even the tiniest bit. Somehow this doesn't work against her favor, because as horrible as Nick is, he's also right about, like, everything.

Scotty: Shocks them with his abrupt shift to honky-tonk, as was his intention; since this was also Jewel's third distinct musical personality, he also gets props for subtle ass-kissing. The hook is cool, and also includes a line that makes Jewel laugh, which is "I nominate me to lead this pack." I consider it an homage to Nevin.
Jackie: Nick is shitty about it of course, but the song is good and Kara likes it. Nick whines about her voice and whatever, it's just white noise. Everybody claps, causing Nick to more fully enter the hatrix.
Sonyae: Kind of boring and tuneless, and all about how she wants no scrubs or whatever, because have you met Sonyae.

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Platinum Hit




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