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Wheels Up

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
Sordid Hipsters Of America

Nick: blink-182 riffs.
Karen & Jackie: "Once again, Nick is a dream to work with. It's so confusing."
Karen: That big old voice.
Jackie: Loving it. In fact sends Karen outside to brainstorm because she's so good -- and so loud.

All three of them engage in this wonderful thing, with Sonyae not really left out and certainly not being uncool, but not engaging in the process in the same way the others are engaging in it?

Sonyae, verbatim: "I'm a bit more of a thinker and gem-dropper. [Yeah, she said that.] Karen is dropping-dropping-dropping, but seldom a gem. [That too.]"

Jackie tries to get Sonyae back onboard, and it works pretty well. Jackie loves everybody, Nick looks like he's in heaven, and Jackie covers Sonyae with kisses. It is an actual pleasure to watch all of this happening. Of note: Sonyae seems to be correct regarding her gemology assessments in re: Karen. Karen, you remember, who thought that sparkling feminism might include lines like "I know you like that so I'll cook it." Of note on sleeping arrangements: All three girls in this team take the bed; the Bros, of course, sleep as far away from each other as possible or else why even go on TV.


Team Jackie claps along with themselves and seem like an actual band that has been on the road together. Jackie's like, "Never in my life has it been this great." Well but actually what she says is "easy," which makes me uneasy, because that's a jinx.

Team Bros: Johnny tells us he's a perfectionist, which while in theory is a good thing to be in practice is just another word for shirker, and then drops some perfection gems of his own.

Gem: "I'm sick of playing it safe?"
Gem: "Something-something."
Gem: "Not... Not losing isn't the same as winning."

So they all kind of realize that Johnny is losing his mind, and then he goes running out into the wild blue yonder with his Brooklyn tangled up around his ankles so he can whine in the bathroom mirror about how he's such a perfectionist, and try on different ways of saying it, and think about glasses on/glasses off, and poke at the thing he thinks is love, and be desperate in every direction like some kind of nuclear Scott Pilgrim.

Later, he goes to have a drink with Jes, and tries to get his flirt on, and it's cute and it's happening. They talk about how they don't want to write together because it's so hard to concentrate around each other, and it's gawky and it's hipsters in love and I refuse to indulge it, because it's the opposite of love. Yucky hugs and pretending they're infants and oh my God it's so weird because I want it but I don't want it and I want to blah-blah-blah and I'm so silly with my dumb crush but not embarrassed enough to stop talking endlessly about it.

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Platinum Hit




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