Judy must take after her dad in the secret-keeping department. Despite the fact that, last episode, she claimed to hate the gossipy nature of small towns, she is now avidly filling in Christina on all the town's scandals. Too bad the story about the cape-wearing weirdo who had an internet fling with the gym teacher is way more interesting than any of the show's "real" stories. Speaking of which, here comes boring Jesse, Christina's love interest. He sure knows how to dull down a room, and he mostly just stares at Christina vacuously. Jesse's girlfriend, Paula, watches the staring from afar, while Jesse's best friend, Ribcage, watches Paula. It's all very convoluted but not actually very interesting, so we'll just move on.

Ah, good. It's Amber. At least she's entertaining. Sort of. Hey, don't knock that. It's the scenes with Amber and Melrose Jake that are keeping me sane throughout all the tedious teen relationship crap. And I'm not just saying that because I'm in my thirties. Amber is up on all the latest man-related gossip as she tells Meg and Jesse's mom about the rich guy who just moved into the Anderson mansion. She suggests a field trip, all Witches of Eastwick-style, to check him out. Jesse's mom agrees, but Meg has to go visit her dead daughter's memorial. Okay, like, she can't do that some other time? I don't think Dead Isabelle is exactly keeping track of the days of the week anymore, you know? Jesse's mom says it's nice to see Meg "out and looking so well."

Ribcage is talking to Paula, who is worried that Christina is going to steal her precious boyfriend. When Ribcage attempts to reassure her that Jesse wouldn't cheat on her, Paula tries to make him feel bad about sleeping with her. I think it's kind of funny that Ribcage throws the responsibility right back on her. It's even funnier when he claims that neither he nor Paula are good enough for Jesse -- like Jesse's really cool and not just some boring dude who has trouble making conversation. Ribcage tries to kiss Paula, but she pulls away, saying, "Jesse takes care of me. What have you done for me lately?" Way to turn sex into a transaction, dear.

Oh, look -- it's an aerial view of Point Pleasant, and it looks nothing like any part of the Jersey shore that I recall. I wonder if this is supposed to be what the devil sees as he flies over the town. You know, like on his broomstick, or whatever. It's SatanCam!