Point Pleasant
Who's Your Daddy?

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Who's Your Daddy?
We open with a really extended montage of the past two episodes. I'm talking a whole minute. It's almost like someone knows the odds are good that most of the viewers have never seen a previous episode of this program. I mean, this show regularly gets beat in the ratings by Smackdown over on the UPN, okay? My wrestling expert friend laughs and laughs whenever I tell him that, and he assures me that this situation does not bode well for Point Pleasant.

Fresh from learning that there is something pretty freaky about her parentage, Christina sits motionless on her bed, bathed in the revolving glow of a lighthouse which apparently does not even really exist in Point Pleasant. She stares at the piece of manuscript with the Biohazard symbol on it that she found in the water last week after Father David became immortally challenged. Then we get to join Christina in her dream, where she is walking down a deserted street in town. Well, it's bereft of other living people -- or whatever the hell it is that Christina's supposed to be anyway. She stares in horror at the corpses lying around. Then it's my turn to stare in horror as Big Dumb Jesse lumbers toward her. Is he going to tell her about the cool dump truck he saw on his way over? No, he's here to help Christina "fix" things. He does this by shoving a knife in her back. He does take the time to say that he loves her, though. So that was nice. Oh, and Christina loves him too. Unfortunately, this is all a dream.

There's some nice SatanCam footage of the ocean and then this completely wacky shot of a long, white covered bridge. Google tells me that two covered bridges actually exist in New Jersey. I must tell you that covered bridges really aren't the first thing I think of when I think of New Jersey. In fact, they're not even the eight-hundredth thing. But I guess someone wants to establish Point Pleasant as very, very quaint. Okay, then -- duly noted.

Over at Hargrove Realty, Ben drops by to find that Amber has decided not to cover up the bruise she received on her face while trying to seduce him in the last episode. He plays on her sympathies by pointing out all the times he's come to her aid over the years. Amber turns that around on him, accusing him of having a "savior complex" and implying that if she "hadn't picked someone else in high school," she and the good doctor would be together. When Ben asks what she hopes to gain by blackmailing him, she replies that she just wants him to "tell the truth." What, she wants him to admit he finds her attractive? Well, that's kind of stupid. I know she's been having an identity crisis lately -- what with nobody wanting to sleep with her, and her entire self-worth being wrapped up in sex -- but that's hardly a reason to blackmail someone who has been really helpful to you in the past. It's pretty rude, actually. And when Amber tells him, "Just say it, and all of this goes away," I'm a little skeptical.

Over breakfast, Christina tries to convince Judy that she is messing up Judy's life. She even tries to take the blame for setting the Kramers' boat on fire, which she has to realize sounds pretty bizarre if you're not familiar with, you know, the whole Satan thing. Judy reassures Christina that she is not bringing bad luck to Point Pleasant, and commiserates with her over the fact that her father still hasn't phoned. She hopes Christina will stay with them for a long time. Clearly Judy has not been keeping up with the Thursday night television rankings.

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Point Pleasant

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