Point Pleasant
Who's Your Daddy?

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Who's Your Daddy?
We're treated to some more SatanCam, as well as the usual stock footage of boardwalk rides. I keep expecting to see lobster traps or maybe a random shot of Niagara Falls, since it is painfully obvious that no one involved with this show has ever actually been to the Jersey shore.

Downtown, Sarah is looking super-preppy in her cardigan and pearl necklace (oh, quit it) as she gets ready to conduct a walking tour of Point Pleasant history. Surprisingly enough, she's got some takers. It's not that I have anything against history per se; it's just that I can't imagine spending a beautiful day walking through town when I could be at the beach. After giving her introductory spiel, Sarah turns and bumps right into Melrose Jake. He holds her kind of close as he mentions how happy he is to see her. Well, yes, that is half a roll of Lifesavers in his pocket. Why do you ask? Of course, Sarah's husband, Logan, chooses just this moment to drive by and stare balefully at his wife, who isn't even doing anything wrong. However, to be fair, from far away it does look as if she and Jake are holding hands.

As Sarah nervously breaks away and starts leading her group on their tour, Melrose Jake tags along and tries to convince her that there's nothing wrong with the "harmless sexual tension" they share. That doesn't get him very far, though, which makes me wonder what's wrong with Sarah. I mean, Jake is hot, and Logan's a creepy stalker. Jake switches tactics and encourages Sarah to tell "the truth" to her tour group. It will "set [her] free," whatever the hell that's supposed to mean in this context. A frazzled Sarah leads her tour group away. Melrose Jake smiles a self-satisfied smile that really should detract from his hotness, but doesn't.

Over at St. Martin's Church, Father Dumb-ass walks into what looks like a bedroom that is actually in the church. That's kind of weird, isn't it? I mean, the room has churchlike architecture and the same stained glass windows we're always seeing in other parts of the church. As Father Dumb-ass stares at a badly rendered CGI insect flying around the ceiling fan, a woman walks in and mentions that Father David missed breakfast. This is unusual, comments the woman, who looks like she's the housekeeper. When Father Dumb-ass stares back up at the ceiling fan, the housekeeper assumes he is praying, and she enthusiastically joins in to ask for Father David's safe return. Yeah, it's a little late for that, sweetheart. Also, Father Dumb-ass is not even praying. The housekeeper looks embarrassed and leaves, which doesn't sound like it would be very funny, but it is. Father Dumb-ass stares down at the Bible in his hands and realizes there's one of those CGI mystery insects on it. His eyes bug out with fear. Heh, heh. Geddit? They bug out with…oh, never mind.

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Point Pleasant

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