Except for Melrose Jake, of course. He's always fabulous. And wouldn't you know it -- there he is now. As soon as a stricken Christina exits and the limo pulls away, he rolls down the partition from the front seat and starts wondering whose side FauxDaddy is on. He adds, "If I don't win her over, your ass is slung over a pit right next to mine." Now, that, ladies and gentlemen, was a joke! Thank you, Melrose Jake.
Oh, look -- it's two people nobody gives a rat's ass about: Logan and Sarah. In fact, I'd gloss over their conversation completely if it weren't so damn funny. You see, Sarah has what she considers to be a fabulous idea: She and Logan can have a baby of their own. That reminds me of my high school friend who was living with this guy named Bob. She and Bob were going through sort of a rough patch in their relationship, probably caused by the fact that they were both cheating on each other. So, in order to remedy the situation, they decided to get married. About a year later, they were cheating on each other again. But this time they were ready with an even better solution: having a child together. The story gets worse after that -- and even involves prison -- but we're not here to discuss the lives of those two misguided souls. No, we've got our own set of misguided losers right here in front of us. Logan claims he never wanted kids anyway; all he ever really wanted was Sarah. Eek, you're scaring me, Logan. Sarah's much braver, though, and she continues to try to win him over to showing some appreciation for Jesse. Logan bitterly asserts, "You act like the kid is touched by God or something." Sarah argues that Jesse has been touched by God. After all, "everyone's felt it." A show of hands, please, from TWoP folk who've actually felt anything of the sort, not just apathy or pity, whenever Jesse shows up onscreen. Anybody?
Amber manages to catch Ben alone. First she apologizes for her recent behavior. Ben must be brighter than I thought because he doesn't seem to be believing a word. He forgets all about that, though, when Amber informs him that the rich, well-connected politician father of Other Driver is planning to launch a civil suit against him. Okay, I'm not sure on what grounds, but it's not like the storyline will be realistic in any other way either. Amber plays nice, even when Ben walks out on her, claiming he needs "some air."
Christina, of course, is right outside the hospital, still crying. She wants to know why her father has deserted her, while Ben stresses over Judy's accident. Suddenly, Christina's mood does a complete turnaround, as she whispers, "Do it, Daddy. Protect us." It's a fine dramatic moment as Ben's face undergoes an evil hardening of expression. It's almost ruined when Christina adopts an unfortunate facial expression that makes her look like a kewpie doll. The scene is saved, though, when Ben marches off purposely down the road. As he passes the nearest parked car, the trunk opens and a tire iron actually jumps into his hand. Cool!