Thomas goes to the bathroom of choice for the self-destructive set and snorts up some cocaine. Meanwhile, his parents stay behind to talk. Bud is all "shugah" and "baby" and trying to butter up his ex. She resists, so he turns the subject to the Iran crisis. Of Hakam, he says, "He wouldn't poke America in the eye unless he knows he's got a deal and a handshake." Why couldn't Elaine -- the Secretary of State and the nation's top diplomat -- figure this out on her own without Foghorn? He tells Elaine to stay out of it or she'll just piss off Garcetti, who he's convinced is in on the whole thing. Of course, he's saying this knowing that Elaine will do the opposite. To sweeten the deal, he reminds Elaine that she's still the "foxiest piece of ass" he's ever seen. Instead of making her way to the Bathroom of Pain to throw up, she rejoins the party. Thomas is playing a jaunty ragtime number at the piano, which makes his parents realize instantly that he's high and/or crazy. Ragtime is the devil's music!

In his hotel room later, Thomas does more coke and hooks up with some guy he met online. Thomas's identity turns out to be a surprise to the guy, because apparently Thomas only identified himself with a snapshot of something other than his face. They start making out and tearing off each other's clothes and then the guy pulls away so he can have a fanboy moment. "This is gonna sound kinda weird, but I gotta tell you," the guy says. Thomas sighs. "Yeah, you've wanted to sleep with me since I was a teenager in the White House." The guy is pretty nice combination of adorable and hot, so Thomas decides to make his wish come true. Sadly, that's where their scene ends.