Political Animals
Pilot

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Never Call a Bitch a Bitch

Conversely, Bud's popularity has waned. It doesn't help that he's dating a TV starlet. (A flashback shows him having dinner at a fancy restaurant, where he's complaining to some guy about Garcetti, calling him "this goombah shitface" and "greasy dago ass" loud enough for anyone to hear. He then spots the young actress at the bar or "gorgeous piece of tail," as he calls her. She's so charmed by him and his giant schlong that she takes them both for a ride.) Elaine's had it with this bullshit and wants to know what Susan is after. It turns out Susan has some super-secret story about Thomas that she's agreed not to run in exchange for spending a week with Elaine. Susan gets her Lois Lane on by pelting Elaine with annoying, personal questions about the divorce and her ambitions. Susan seems somehow offended on a deep, personal level. Elaine leaves the interview without answering.

Once she's back in her office, Elaine asks Douglas and an aide whether there's any way for her to get out of the deal with Susan. They don't advise it, considering the story she could tell about Thomas. An assistant comes in to tell Elaine she's been summoned to the White House.

Susan heads back to the paper, griping to her assistant about what a bitch Elaine is. It turns out Elaine had her banned from the White House for six years for saying Elaine "epitomized the death of feminism." Speaking of the death of things -- Susan hears a girlish giggling coming from her editor's office. A perky young blogger named Georgia is, like, sooo happy that her blog hit a million unique visitors that she made cupcakes! After Georgia eventually scampers away, Susan has a chat with her editor, who is also her live-in boyfriend, Alex. He gives Susan a reassuring kiss, but she cuts it short for the sake of professional appearances. In the middle of a relationship chat, someone calls to tell them something's happening Iran. Something's always happening in Iran.

This time, it's the capture of three American journalists in Tehran. After interrogation, they confessed to being spies for the U.S. Elaine is just learning about this in the Situation Room at the White House. President Hakam is threatening a trial and death sentence in the next 48 hours unless Garcetti negotiates for their release in person. Elaine is flabbergasted. Then she realizes nobody else in the room is flabbergasted. "How long have you all known about this?" she asks. Vice President Gomer Pyle pipes up with, "Well I, for one, am just finding out." Elaine is still baffled as to why they wouldn't call the nation's top diplomat. Everyone's all, "Oh, well, we didn't want to bother you since you have your son's engagement party this week." She makes a mental note to wear hip waders to the next shit-filled meeting. She can't figure out why Hakam is pushing this sham trial right now. Everyone acts like they don't know, but clearly they do. Douglas gets all het up when Garcetti wants Elaine to read a prepared statement, which is apparently against policy.

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Political Animals

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