Callback Craptastic

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Pamie: B | Grade It Now!
Das Boot

Aw, yeah, people. We're back and it's week two. That means it's the day of the callbacks.

Previously on Popstars: Girls were nervous around the country. Lots of girls show lots of skin while ripping our ears to shreds. We're treated to the four-screen of fun, showing us clips we missed last week of girls pulling their legs over their heads, screaming to the gods, and crying. I wish we had seen those last week. Shiny Happy Kelley holds her hands. Hip-shaking, eye-twitching, finger-pointing fun is shown. One girl we never met cheers and punches both fists into the air. The voice-over tells us how the auditions went last week, and we see Margaux "Who? Oh, the Christian Singer, But the Other One" Yap singing "How Do I Live" again. Triple screens of girls singing. Garland "Fashion Whore" Gerber shows her boots. Girls dance and cheer. Karen "Think Pop Star" Perez cries because she got a callback. Tiffinni "Hatchet Face" Ranae cheers her green spandex right off my screen. Shaunda "The Diaphragm" Johnson hits the high notes and gets the standing ovation. The narrator reminds us of the nerves. We see poor JaunepiaMariah trying to sing beyond her eyeshadow, but just can't. The narrator reminds us of the disappointment. We see poor unemployed Angeline "My Mom's Gonna Kill Me" Murphy lower her head in disappointment and then cut to Erika "My Mom Is Killing Me" Occhipinti and scary StageMother telling us how shocked she is that her daughter isn't going to be the next Ginger Spice. "When Day One was over, two hundred and thirty-nine girls were asked to return," the narrator tells us. So, this should be an easy half-hour, right? RIGHT? "In just five short weeks that number will be reduced to five." Then we see the concert footage again of the crowd going wild for the backs of five girls.

Tiny Star of Hope. "Tonight, the competition continues." We see girls walking into a room, by themselves, standing before the judges' table. Some we recognize, some we've never seen before. They're going to have to be interviewed and then (help us all) sing another song. Two hundred and fifty girls flip by the screen, all with their mouths wide open and their arms flapping around in emotion. The sound of the "crowd" gets louder as the narrator builds the "tension" and says that we're about to watch the callbacks. My cat has an epileptic fit right as the last girl in a pink halter top starts screeching, "Oh, my God!"

Tiny Squares of Girls and Fun. This time it's slowed down, so we can start to recognize some of the girls in the squares. The logo. I love it.

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