Popstars

Episode Report Card
Pamie: B- | 486 USERS: B-
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Oh, Get Over Yourselves

We move to the studio for more auditions. Matthew has Maile "belting" out the bridge of the song. Matthew tells us in a split screen: "Maile had a good pop voice." Maile tells us about the "nervousness behind the mic" and how it comes from everyone listening to you and judging everything that you do. The narrator tells us that Matthew "is listening for a particular sound." Why do we still have this narrator? Seriously. We are not retarded.

Rosanna is in the studio, asking how he wants the "Oh." He wants lots of "air." I guess she didn't understand Roger's explanation of "the most beautiful thing you've ever heard." While Rosanna sings, Matthew tells us in a split screen that Rosanna has a great breathy quality. He also calls her "Ro," which I'm going to ignore. Rosanna sings it again, looking bored as hell. I feel ya, Ro. I feel ya. He moves her onto the chorus and he's got her gravelling the words out. Matthew explains that he's making her sing like Grace Jones so that it can "add to the size of the chorus." Rosanna tells us in a split screen that she's learned from Roger that she has this "entire range" that she can now work from.

"For Ivette," the narrator says, "the process is about one thing." We cut to Ivette on a couch for this gem of a monologue: "Pressure. Pressure that we all want to be showcased in the song. The way the verses go, there's not enough. Pressure. You gotta show them exactly what it is in two seconds, boom, that's it. That was your chance. Pressure." Billy Joel runs into my living room and shouts, "She's ruining my song! Make her stop!" David Bowie runs in from my back door and says, "Your song? What about my song? Me and Queen own that word. Not you, not Ivette." Vanilla Ice then strolls in from my kitchen, and says, "All y'all best not step," and then smashes my lamp with a bag of Doritos. Pressure.

The narrator tells us that this process is going into the "late morning hours." When is that, exactly? "The girls are exhausted." I think that perhaps this narrator went into a studio about six months ago and recorded a few sentences that they just plug in every few months. Sound bite 32A: "The pressure is intense." Sound bite 8C: "The stakes are high." Sound bite 31C: "But it's going to take a lot more than..." Sound bite 31D: "...to handle the pressures of becoming a Popstar."

Popstars

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