Popstars

Episode Report Card
Pamie: B- | 492 USERS: B-
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Alexandra Bitchlier Busts a Move

Katie Webber the Stripper starts choreographing her group. The narrator tells us that she's a natural at this. It's just that usually she's taking off her clothes. She tells us that she's always been singing and dancing, and that she loves it and nobody can get her to stop. Or stop taking off her clothes.

Somehow, Alexandra made it to the dance auditions, and now she's about to become the Megabitch. Jaymes tells us that Alexandra caved all the time last year because she couldn't take the heat. Alexandra has countered this by becoming a mega-beast diva. She pulls her top over her titties and tells her group that she has to shine through here because she didn't do so well in her dance audition so now she's got to be better. Jaymes says that Alexandra thinks she has a step up on everyone else because she did this last year, as insolent Crapcock tries to talk over Jaymes to PseudoTravis. He will be punished for that later. "That could really be problematic," Jaymes finishes. "You really could feel that kind of energy from her," PseudoTravis agrees, kissing ass. Crapcock pouts for talking out of turn. Alexandra dances poorly in a split-screen as she tells us that her group sucked and the group's leader sucked and they made her look like she sucks. Alexandra has fallen into a bad crowd in Miami, y'all. Remember last year when she was kind of sweet? I hate her now. And she can't get a subject and a verb to agree in one single sentence. As Alexandra pulls her shorts out of the folds of her vagina, Jaymes taunts the image of Alexandra on her screen, singing the *NSYNC song with the words "It's all about me!"

Tom Tusler, twenty-one from Gibbstown, NJ, is a tall guy who is like Chris Penn in Footloose. He can't freestyle for shit, but because of all his linedancing experience, he can pick up choreography easily. He tells us that he can visualize it and do it easily. He's crazy tall.

The judges come back and tell everyone it's time to go. Twenty minutes have passed, the narrator tells us. PseudoTravis reminds everyone that this is their last moment to audition, and they need to take it all seriously. Here we go. I know they said the groups could pick different songs, but they're all just doing "It's Gonna Be Me" for some reason.

Popstars

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