If You Can't Dance

Episode Report Card
Pamie: C+ | Grade It Now!
Alexandra Bitchlier Busts a Move

Online viewers weigh in! From what we've seen so far, 27% of you think the girls have the better moves, 32% of you think the boys have what it takes, and the other 41% of you think that so far it's 50-50! That's a totally cool poll, guys! Awesome!

We are finally in the final finality of the final dance audition on the final day of the final auditions in each of the final cities. Moi. Hate him. Some kid's got scary eyes. The aging hopefuls will be split into groups. Then each group picks a song from the choices they had at the singing audition, and must choreograph a number in twenty minutes. They have to do choreography, make vocal arrangements and harmonies, work within a group, and basically do their jobs.

The narrator lets us in on a secret. While the groups are rehearsing, Crapcock, Jaymes, and PseudoTravis are watching on secret hidden cameras (that are actually the cameras used for the show and aren't hidden or secret at all), so they can see how each person behaves in a group when the judges aren't watching. Crapcock talks to us like he's the kid from The State giving his sad monologues on Spy TV where everyone knows it's cheesy and sad but there's nothing any of us can do to stop it. The cameras show us Josh, Kim, Moi, and everyone else they want us to remember but don't have time to showcase.

Someone asks a boy whether he's a baritone. He answers, "Look, man, I just sing. You hit me with all these phrases, man."

Two girls are arguing when one notices the camera and stops fighting immediately. She insists that everything's fine while the other girl tries to keep the fight going.

They use the sound clip from last year where the narrator tells us that in each group a leader emerges. Greg tells his group that they aren't moving on until they get the vocals right.

Katie Webber the Stripper starts choreographing her group. The narrator tells us that she's a natural at this. It's just that usually she's taking off her clothes. She tells us that she's always been singing and dancing, and that she loves it and nobody can get her to stop. Or stop taking off her clothes.

Somehow, Alexandra made it to the dance auditions, and now she's about to become the Megabitch. Jaymes tells us that Alexandra caved all the time last year because she couldn't take the heat. Alexandra has countered this by becoming a mega-beast diva. She pulls her top over her titties and tells her group that she has to shine through here because she didn't do so well in her dance audition so now she's got to be better. Jaymes says that Alexandra thinks she has a step up on everyone else because she did this last year, as insolent Crapcock tries to talk over Jaymes to PseudoTravis. He will be punished for that later. "That could really be problematic," Jaymes finishes. "You really could feel that kind of energy from her," PseudoTravis agrees, kissing ass. Crapcock pouts for talking out of turn. Alexandra dances poorly in a split-screen as she tells us that her group sucked and the group's leader sucked and they made her look like she sucks. Alexandra has fallen into a bad crowd in Miami, y'all. Remember last year when she was kind of sweet? I hate her now. And she can't get a subject and a verb to agree in one single sentence. As Alexandra pulls her shorts out of the folds of her vagina, Jaymes taunts the image of Alexandra on her screen, singing the *NSYNC song with the words "It's all about me!"

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