A girl announces: "It's the black Beemer." The car in question holds the three judges. They are shocked by the line for auditions. You may remember one-half of the Hyphen-Twin powers: Jaymes Foster-Levy, bitch woman extraordinaire. You need to meet our other two. (Travis! I miss you!)

Tony Michaels looks like Travis, but without any of the fun (so far). He's a choreographer, and he's worked with J. Lo on her "Play" video. They say he choreographed the *NSYNC No Strings Attached tour. I thought that kid Wayne did that. Oh, well. Lance Bass comes on my screen now and says something about Tony, but I can't hear what he's saying because LANCE IS SO DREAMY AND HE'S TOTALLY HOT WOOOOOOOOOOO!

Okay, the other guy is Brad "Riprock" Daymond. He's a producer and songwriter, and half of "Riprock and Alex G." I'm sure those guys make money, but their name sounds like some crap DJ thing your parents would book at your fifteenth birthday party where Riprock's dressed like an alien and Alex G. just hits on all of your friends, boasting that he owns his own car. Riprock. Whatever. Is it too early for me to rename him Crapcock? No? Cool. Crapcock gives us his philosophy: "My strong focuses are star quality. You know. A good voice and a great attitude. And the ability to show that you are a team player." Right. The narrator tells us that Crapcock wrote tracks that won't be released from *NSYNC's Celebrity, something Britney did that we never have heard of, and something that we'll never hear on the upcoming Michael Jackson album. Those things are with his partner, not on his own. Solo, we'll just see, won't we, Crapcock?

And, y'all remember Jaymes and her pointy, pinched ass face. She's responsible for The Corrs, and the narrator tries to convince us that Plus One is a band we've heard of outside of this show.

The judges shake hands with the kids in line. They go inside. Tony reminds us that this is just the first city, and he can hardly imagine what it'll be like in the other five cities.

Some guy stammers to us that his heart is racing. Jaymes tells the group waiting to audition that if they don't think they're as good as the girls of Eden's Crush, they should leave right now. Nobody moves. "We did not teach them to dance," Jaymes admits. "We did not teach them to sing." No shit. The auditions are in groups of 150. Five audition at a time. Are y'all ready? It's time for the fun to start.