You know, of all the reality shows from last year, Popstars is the last one I thought they'd bring back. I mean, come on. For real. I guess they thought that strike was going to happen and re-hired everybody before they got a chance to pay for a real show. Part of me feels like they brought it back just to keep reading the recaps, since I work longer on them than most people do in the story editing office of this show. Well, and it's cheap to make this show. It looks like it was edited in my living room. And something needs to go into this time slot that nobody will watch during Friends and Survivor. I still can't believe there's another Survivor. Didn't they just finish one? Hey, if there are eight weeks of auditions, does that mean there are more than nine episodes this time? I hate everything. Oh, God. Here we go.
The nightmare of a narrator's back. I can't tell if it's the same guy. I think it is. He reminds us that just a few months ago, this show created the hell on earth known as Eden's Crush. At least we don't have to hear from those ladies anymore, right? I even saw someone on the forum ask where are they now, like we're discussing A-Ha or something. It was just March, not the '80s. Anyway, he tells us that because of this show, the girls of Eden's Crush ended up with a #1 song (a fact I'm still disputing) and a gold album. Bully for them. They tortured us with performances, appearances on Regis, unending studio sessions, and photo shoots they slept through. We cheered through Nicole's growing drug problem, Ivette's fascination with her own ass, and Ana Maria's drop in body mass. Now it's time to do it again. Do we even have the strength?
The narrator tells us that this time the process is beginning with a "dramatic addition." Boys. Shots of boys flipping and dancing fill the screen. Some testosterone-filled guitar plays in the background as we hear sounds of men cheering. The narrator leers, "Popstars goes co-ed," like I'm about to watch Freddie Fingers Franny. Boys and girls flirt. Some guy who won't make it tells us that it's cool that they're giving guys a chance this time.
Some girl dances her ass off to the camera thinking she's Britney as the guy on the split screen on the left says he wants "a piece of the American pie." Whatever that means. Does that mean he wants to fuck a pie that's already been fucked? Wait. Does he want to eat the pie that got fucked? In any event, it's gross. Moving on.