Timoor Elikbaev, twenty-three, Brooklyn, NY, would have won the earlier spot of Best Freak, but he had to follow my baby's daddy T.H. there. This is a flashback to the New York auditions, I guess. Timoor tosses his lyrics aside immediately and shoves his foot behind his head while he's standing. He's wearing a jumpsuit and pink sunglasses and for a second I'm convinced it's Andy Dick. He goes into the splits, stands back up, and spins. Girls in the background scream like they just found out there was a panty raid going on. Timoor gives the jazz hands and then goes, "All right?" and walks off. Okaaaaay?
A man fills the camera, going, "I'm very, very nervous!" He points and wiggles his head and goes, "But that's okay, because I'm singing 'Bye, Bye, Bye'!" The narrator informs us that this is Brandon Durand, nineteen, from Cypress, California, and he met his girlfriend Britteny Cole at an audition. That's right, they said "girlfriend." Brandon is a very good actor. Both Brandon and Britteny are auditioning today. Brandon is nineteen like I'm seven, by the way. He starts beatboxing in front of the judges and goes into his best Justin. His voice is shitty and way too scratchy, but he can dance. Jaymes is happy to have found a dancer, and they call him back. Aren't these supposed to be the damn vocal auditions? No fair! There's a guy in the back who looks like Ray Romano, and he's all sneering at Brandon like, "No! That's no good! You can't dance! You're a cheater! No! This is awful! I didn't dance! Who said we could dance?"
Ryan Champion, twenty-three from West Linn, Oregon, can sing. He's blond. Nothing fancy. Jaymes wants Brandon even though she knows he can't sing. "You can't have it all," she says. "Yes, you can," says Crapcock. "Yes, you can," Jaymes argues with nobody. They call back Ryan and Brandon.
The narrator explains that Brandon toned down his excitement while he waited to see what will happen to Britteny. After the commercial, it's her turn. And judging from this teaser they just gave us of Britteny singing, there's going to be a breakup very soon.
Britteny tells us that she's really a dancer, so this part of the audition has her nervous. The narrator informs us that Britteny and Brandon (bleagh) have a pact: whoever's career takes off first will make the other one do whatever it takes to support it. By breaking up instantly and talking shit for years. Britteny sasses and reads the lyrics off a sheet of paper. She doesn't get a callback.