I'm Like a Turd! I Will Not Flush Away!

Episode Report Card
Pamie: C+ | Grade It Now!
Smells Like Teens Sucking

Brandon holds Britteny out in the lobby. He lisps to us that she's strong and amazing. He then pushes her and starts dating the wheelchair girl.

Only fifty people made it to the callback, forty-seven of whom we've never seen before. Butt-crack girl spins with joy.

On to San Francisco. God, this is only the third city? This is going to take forever. Girls show us the food they're eating during the wait. They're the only people eating at this audition. They're covered in ho clothes.

Kanya Coleman, twenty-four, from Oakland, CA, has three kids and a husband. She's also got a giant fur coat that's she's chosen to wear so she's more like Macy Gray. She tries to sing "Say My Name" and fucks up, so they ask her to go straight to the chorus. She laughs and admits she doesn't know the chorus. She tries and just tosses in words all, "Say my name, say my name, you drapin' all the babies, givin' me the scabies." They tell her to stop and berate her for not knowing the words to the song. Then they don't call her back and then they beat on her again, saying she shouldn't be there at all, wasting their time. You know what else shouldn't be there? Crapcock's shirt, which makes him look like he's wearing Joseph's Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. Kanya cries in the lobby, telling us she didn't know the chorus, and now it's all over.

Crapcock tells a group of people that they know what it takes to be a Popstar. Montage of people dancing as Poe sings. Some guy is on his back explaining that they go in five at a time and get cut five at a time. We don't even get to learn his name, and he got more screen time than most of the people in this episode.

A girl tells us that the judges are mean and that Jaymes is scary.

Tony asks someone if she even knows the song she's singing. "Just checking," Jaymes says.

Another girl tells us that the judges are just staring at you all stern waiting for you to fail.

Tony says this is a record deal and a video. "It's millions of dollars," Jaymes adds.

A girl says that the judges are looking for a certain body type. Then she eats some food.

A guy with no teeth drinks a Coke and says they're looking for a certain ethnic group. They might also be looking for someone with teeth.

Josh Henderson's girlfriend Morgan Dunham found out about the auditions and then booked a flight to San Francisco the next day for her boyfriend to audition. Josh never says a word and looks off to the right as Morgan explains to us, "I think that Josh has the talent and the potential and the heart for all of this and I think that if this isn't for him there's something else out there and I think that he's gonna put everything he has into everything he does." Okay, first of all, Morgan? You said nothing there. Not one thing. And secondly, let Josh say something. Josh sings some *NSYNC and he's really pretty so they call him back. He tells us that his friends and family are going to be very happy about this. Poor Josh, with no opinions or dreams of his own.

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