Popstars

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Pamie: B- | 491 USERS: C+
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Cry, Little Sister

Vanessa's turn. She's sure she's in, since her brother didn't get cut. Jaymes asks Vanessa how she feels she did. Vanessa makes the poor decision to say honestly that she wasn't as focused on the dancing as she needed to be and she kept falling in and out of the routine. PseudoTravis agrees and says, "You were good, but you weren't great. So we're not going to have you back." Vanessa waits for them to say they were just joking, but they don't, and she leaves with a sob.

Oh, God, y'all. Vanessa walks back into the green room sobbing, and Dorothy is instantly there holding her. Cut back to Jackie who is sobbing like they just told him Christmas was cancelled. Man, you're not supposed to laugh, but this kid's face is priceless, people. Everyone is trying to hide because they feel really awkward getting stuck in the middle of this breakup. Jackie walks over and repeatedly punches a wall. Dorothy moves out of the way and some crew person has to come out from the shadows and restrain Jackie from hurting anyone. Everyone is sitting away from the horror, commenting on how close Jackie and Vanessa are and how this is going to make their lives suck. Jackie pulls Vanessa away from Laurie and holds her so tight. He loves her. He loves her so much. It's the two of them against the world. Oh, God. It gets even better. As Jackie looks around to see who's still staring at them, giving them the attention they deserve, Vanessa slowly slides down the wall to the ground like the perfect Afterschool Special reaction to date rape. Jackie and Vanessa sit side by side, licking their tears off of each other's faces, wondering if Mom will still let them sleep in the same room when they get home.

The narrator quickly runs through the remaining people who got cut. Sharra Dade. We knew that was coming. Miredys Peguero. I told you she was gone before we even knew her. Shariana Sulifau. What, she got one line in the entire season, right? Forget it.

I never even got to use this joke so I'm going to just put it here, since we're almost at the end of the episode. You know why the auditoners weren't allowed to sing "Survivor" at the auditions? They didn't want anyone remembering what they were actually going to watch that night.

It's Pukey Kim's turn. Jaymes tells her that the three judges usually agree on everything, but they don't agree on her. PseudoTravis thinks the door should be closed on Kim since she's a big quitter who quit "three times." Kim says she's not normally a quitter. Jaymes admits that she just loves Kim's voice and doesn't care that she got sick today by being stupid. That left Crapcock to break the tie, and since he wants a blowjob from anybody, somebody, he tells Kim that he just loves her voice. They ask her back. Kim doesn't believe them at first because they're all so solemn. They say she's really invited back, but they aren't smiling. She's got to work it.

Popstars

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