Jackie Has Issues, Y’all

Episode Report Card
admin: C+ | Grade It Now!
Cry, Little Sister

So, this is it. The last recap of Popstars. My mother told me that if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all. Unfortunately, that doesn't get a recap finished, so don't tell my mom about this. It sucks that this is the best episode so far, by the way.

So, they do a quick recap in the beginning of the episode to remind us who made it to the workshop, but I'm relying on your intellect to remember.

LAX. Montage of people arriving and getting their luggage from baggage claim.

This is the first time Jillion's ever been on a plane, she informs us. To celebrate, she shellacked her face in blue shimmer and lined her eyes so dark it looks like she got punched twice. "It's awesome," she says. "This is the first time I've ever been on a plane ride. So it was different." That girl needs to get her ass some schooling pronto.

Josh Henderson won't stop talking about his ankle.

Everyone's half-dressed in their hotel rooms, meeting their roommates for the first time. They have to pretty up because they're going out to meet the judges at some E-list night club. Moi has a toothbrush almost as big as his gigantic mouth.

Monika Christian (the girl with the baby, but the other girl, not the one with the new baby. This is Old Baby's mama), reminds us that this is her dream.

Vanessa pulls her eyelid to her temple and smears mascara on as she bitches that the guys don't have to do anything to get ready.

Josh and FM stare at each other half-naked. FM hasn't even bothered to wipe his mouth from brushing his teeth.

The girls are all fancied up. That Donavan kid is still wearing his bandanna.

StripperKatie shows off her tight black dress and shows us just how tight and how black it is and wiggles her body for us.

Kim Caldwell tells us that they're having a "blast" so far, but she says it in a way that we know they haven't been fed, had anything to drink, sat down, or figured out what they're doing there yet. Josh and Kim tell us that the judges haven't shown up yet, and they don't know when they're going to arrive.

The judges finally show, and Jaymes tells everyone that they're "hot." Jaymes has put highlights in her already laughable hairstyle. She flirts with FM and tells him that they call him "B-Boy."

Crapcock feels up Vanessa and Kim at the same time. Gross. Gosh, that Kim is pretty.

PseudoTravis welcomes everyone to Los Angeles and now suddenly it's dark. "Welcome to the real world," he says. Whatever that means. He reminds them that they all worked hard and that now they're going to work even harder. He tells them that people are going to get cut over the next three days, and any of them could go at any time, so they should remember that at least they made it to Los Angeles. Then all three judges run out of there.

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