Popstars
Jackie Has Issues, Y'all

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Pamie: C+ | Grade It Now!
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Cry, Little Sister

I'm so happy the narrator's leaving my life: "With the judges gone, the party begins!"

Vanessa's bikini is practically see-through as she jumps into the pool. People are jumping from roofs, tumbling into hot tubs, and looking mostly naked. Everyone's flirting, pulling off clothes, and getting nasty. Why can't I see more of this footage? Where's the booze? "Life cannot get any better," Tenia AllMeA Taylor tells us.

The cameraman loves Vanessa in her bikini and follows her mostly naked body out of the hot tub. I can see almost her entire ass.

I guess everyone already got drunk and now they're depressed. Laurie is pouting in her hotel room. Tenia is wondering what she just got herself into. Wait, wasn't she just living it up? Was the woman in the hot tub actually Old Baby's Mama, saying that her life finally got good?

Corey Clark tells us from under his giant fro that he's trying not to get too attached to anyone because they could get cut any day and he doesn't want to be depressed when people get cut. Jahzeel Mumford is under Corey's arm, and he's very upset now, because he thought he and Corey had something special. Don't worry too much about getting attached, Corey, since this is the first time we've ever seen you. You're sure to be cut next week.

Jackie and Vanessa are sucking each other's toes on the floor of their hotel room. They agree not to think about what would happen if someone tore their love apart by sending one of them home.

I don't understand why everyone had to bring all of their luggage to the audition in the morning, but people are lugging giant bags up the stairs. ["Maybe it's like going to Tribal Council on Survivor, where you have to be prepared at any second to get booted?" -- Wing Chun]

Tenia tells us that she's not here to make friends, and that she just wants to be in a group. I guess those other two ladies earlier weren't Tenia. Who the hell cares, really? But for real, it's been how many weeks and I don't know all of the finalists by name? Sucks. Tenia tells us that she's going to be competitive.

By the way, I already know all of the moves to this audition piece. That's right. I'm an ass kicker. I said it.

Jillion tells us that if she gets cut today she'll be devastated and will go home crying.

They start learning the first eight count. The narrator tells us that this "hot new track" the kids are dancing to was written by Crapcock, his writing partner Alex G., Rodney Jerkins, and *NSYNC's J.C. Could I get another person writing this chorus? Man. How intricate could this song be?

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