Jackie Has Issues, Y’all

Episode Report Card
admin: C+ | Grade It Now!
Cry, Little Sister

Laurie holds Jillion out in the hallway. Angela is shocked. Vanessa hugs her as well, getting her bad luck all over her. Jillion is sobbing in a back hallway somewhere. "I'm coming home," she cries into her cell phone.

Jackie's turn. Crapcock asks if he thinks he's a lead vocalist or a supporting vocalist. Jackie smartly answers that he's a supporting vocalist. They all agree with him and allow him to come back tomorrow because he knows he's not the best or the brightest, but he's at least willing to give up all original thought or ideas to become what they want. Jackie thanks them and shouts to the green room, "We're good to go!" Everyone starts cheering. One. Two. Three. Vanessa jumps and is Velcroed to his chest. He nuzzles her neck as everyone else in the room has to turn away so they don't pull a Kim.

Vanessa's turn. She's sure she's in, since her brother didn't get cut. Jaymes asks Vanessa how she feels she did. Vanessa makes the poor decision to say honestly that she wasn't as focused on the dancing as she needed to be and she kept falling in and out of the routine. PseudoTravis agrees and says, "You were good, but you weren't great. So we're not going to have you back." Vanessa waits for them to say they were just joking, but they don't, and she leaves with a sob.

Oh, God, y'all. Vanessa walks back into the green room sobbing, and Dorothy is instantly there holding her. Cut back to Jackie who is sobbing like they just told him Christmas was cancelled. Man, you're not supposed to laugh, but this kid's face is priceless, people. Everyone is trying to hide because they feel really awkward getting stuck in the middle of this breakup. Jackie walks over and repeatedly punches a wall. Dorothy moves out of the way and some crew person has to come out from the shadows and restrain Jackie from hurting anyone. Everyone is sitting away from the horror, commenting on how close Jackie and Vanessa are and how this is going to make their lives suck. Jackie pulls Vanessa away from Laurie and holds her so tight. He loves her. He loves her so much. It's the two of them against the world. Oh, God. It gets even better. As Jackie looks around to see who's still staring at them, giving them the attention they deserve, Vanessa slowly slides down the wall to the ground like the perfect Afterschool Special reaction to date rape. Jackie and Vanessa sit side by side, licking their tears off of each other's faces, wondering if Mom will still let them sleep in the same room when they get home.

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