Popstars
L.A. Apologizes for Noise Violations

Episode Report Card
Pamie: B | 12 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Tears On My Pillow

You know what I hate? The previews for this show are never actually in the show itself. I waited all week to hear at whom Travis bitched, "You're slowing everyone else down."

This show is killing my VCR. At this point, any time I record the show the sound is all garbled. Wait. Oh. Gracias, St. Clare.

Previously on Popstars: We see twenty-six shots of gyrating, over-enunciating girlie-girls. We're told that they're the last twenty-six from the original "thousands." Our narrator: "Tonight, they'll have to prove it again, as they face an intense workshop in Los Angeles with Roger Love, one of the top vocal coaches in the business. Then they'll sing for the man that has the most power over their future, GRAMMY-Award-winning composer David Foster." We see the girls sing and dance around. David Foster tells the girls that if they aren't prepared for the rejection part of this business, then they should get out immediately. ["And then email Mighty Big TV and beg to be interviewed." -- Wing Chun] Nikki tells us that one girl told her that she already knows she got cut, and that she's on the next bus out of there. Girls cry and hold each other as the narrator reminds us again that the "stakes are high and the tension is unbearable." Pretty Alexandra cries through her eye-sequins and says, "Everybody's making it so difficult for everyone." Six will be cut by the end of the episode. Tiny Squares of Girls and Fun fill the screen, and my VCR makes a small shrill noise, not unlike a death wail or an alarm.

LAX. The girls arrive at the airport and somehow are all arriving on flights that land at the same time. They greet and hug each other. The narrator tells us that the girls decided to put the pressures aside and "enjoy the moment." Okay. Some are filming each other. Petagay dances and says, "I'm on the West Coast!" The student says she's just happy to be out of school. Alexis has worn giant sunglasses with a tiny rhinestone heart on the bottom of the rim. ["I have a pair of those! Niki's boyfriend Josh got them for me. Only mine are aqua instead of black." -- Wing Chun] She says she's so happy to be in Los Angeles. Isadelle, sans Scarytwin, is proving her ability to learn names quickly. Baby has worn giant pink sunglasses. "We have arrived," she smiles.

Same montage of Sunset Strip clubs flashes by. Shops on the same street (but in the daytime, so it looks like another location). Palm trees. The girls are then "whisked away from the airport" and stuck on top of a double-decker bus for a "grand tour of Los Angeles." Man, that would be a long-ass tour, people. This is clearly just a tour of Hollywood. Alexis raises her hand and says, "This is definitely not New York." The girls all start singing, "Dah-dah-dah-nuh-nah-nah Hollywood!" Again, not a single one of them learned the song before they started singing. The bus heads straight towards Stee's apartment. I watch the bus get closer and closer to his place as Petagay talks about how ethnically diverse the finalists are. Before I have a chance to finish laughing, the girls are driving right in front of my own street. "Are we in Beverly Hills?" one girl screeches. Uh, no. You're in my driveway. Could y'all just back the fuck up? Petagay sings again, and I'm relieved to see Baby staring in the opposite direction from my front door.

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