Popstars
L.A. Apologizes for Noise Violations

Episode Report Card
Pamie: B | 12 USERS: A+
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Tears On My Pillow

Workshop. Day One. 9:00 AM. Kerrie tells us she knows this is going to be "a lot of hard work." Travis twirls around behind her. As we cut to a split screen of girls dancing, Kerrie continues and says that this is what all of them have always wanted.

Jessica Robinson gets her first words on Popstars: "When we first drove up and I looked inside and saw all this stuff, I was like, 'Oh, my God!'"

We see shots of the girls standing around, posing, sizing each other up. The narrator tells us that the girls are about to go through two days of "vocal training, singing, and dancing." And dance lessons. And voice instruction. And dance time. They will all then "put it together in a performance that will decide which girls leave and which girls stay."

Travis says hello to all of the girls. He tells them that he's going to focus on how well they take direction and will be looking for their potential. He says it will be fun, but it will be work. This work ethic is demonstrated in Travis's outfit for the workshop: the work part is the tank top. The fun is the beige camouflage pants. Or is it the other way around?

Aaliyah's "Try Again" is still trying to give these girls a clue. They're walking and pointing and gyrating around to the music one at a time. Each one flirts with the camera and shakes her ass. Lips are licked. Hips are jutted. Jennifer cuts in to say that every girl looks like she's "pretty much in shape." She says now she can tell who has more experience than the other girls.

Right on cue, we cut to Alexandra, who is dancing with an "oh, shit!" grimace on her face. Her head is down and she appears to be disappointed with every step she takes.

"Nicole is the picture of self-confidence," the narrator tells us. For future reference, if you ever need a picture of yourself representing "self-confidence," all you need is a zebra tank top, black tight pants, and the ability to thrust both your crotch and your ass at the camera at the same time. In a split screen, she tells us that she's incredibly nervous and kept waking up all last night.

"A place in the group could change Curtisha Johnson's whole life." Curtisha is my new favorite auditioner. In a split screen, she tells us that, if she made the group, it would be a blessing: "It would mean I would never have to be a waitress ever again." Curtisha's words, simultaneously uttered along with sixteen thousand other women in the Hollywood area cause a massive sound boom that knocks down power lines and phones for over thirty-five minutes.

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