Shut Up, Ivette

Episode Report Card
Pamie: C- | Grade It Now!
Wah! It's Hard to Stand Still For Pictures!

Rosanna tells us that her brother's been watching the show and told her he understands her more. We see a picture of him. He's young, and she says he's also like her son. She cries and says it's hard to be away from him.

We see Nicole get her hair done. Then we see her kinda kissing her mom while she tells us it's hard being away from her friends and family, and she finds it hard to talk to them so she just doesn't talk to them at all because she's lying to them about where she is. She's told them she's recording a solo album. What a Beyonce.

Ivette can't stop crying about her family and how much she misses them. We see another picture of her family hugging and I'm going to hell for how much it makes me giggle. Ivette says she knows they'd be proud of her but not being home is hard. Man, there are lots of tears all over the screen, here. Just not one from me. I flip over to Oprah because I needed one last kick of estrogen for full ovulation.

We watch the girls slowly walk forward in slow motion as the piano slowly kills us on its final stupid notes. They're breaking for commercial, but teasing that David Foster is about to bring in some boys that will sing for the girls. They blur out the faces and play a song that just might be *NSYNC's. The girls stand totally still listening to the music, wondering what they're listening to until someone off-camera obviously mouths, "NOW!" and the girls freak the fuck out. Tiny Squares of Girls and Fun fill the screen.

David Foster is wearing an incredibly ugly shirt. I think it's a Navy shirt. I think? He's talking. "You know, the girls, um, as everybody probably knows, have been working so hard. I mean, just the schedule has just been grueling. And on top of everything else, they've been sequestered." We cut to a video of five boys the world has never heard of as David continues. "They happen to be fans of Plus One which is a uh…group that we have on 143. I mean, they are total fans. So, I started putting two and two together and I was thinking, 'What can I do for the girls to give them a surprise to give them a little lift?'" Oh, my ass, people. Plus One has like, one song and they're a Christian pop band and there's no way in hell all five of these girls have ever heard of them. First of all, the girls are like, all in their twenties, and secondly, WHO? As if this show couldn't get any more like a press release, they have to pimp their Christian boy band in the middle of these girls? God.

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