Shut Up, Ivette

Episode Report Card
Pamie: C- | Grade It Now!
Wah! It's Hard to Stand Still For Pictures!

David Foster gets on a fucking microphone of all things, presses play on a jambox, and goes, "Hit it and make it good." The boys start lip-synching into their microphones as they walk down the stairs. The girls fucking freak, people. Rosanna has freaked before she even turns to see who it is. There are so many people in that room, too. You can see them in the mirror. Rosanna rips off her Pashmina, exposing her erect nipples as she freaks out. Nicole pushes her in the back and then hugs Ivette because she doesn't know what else to do. Maile looks off-camera, wondering if she's feigning enough excitement. Ana Maria stands there, points at the girls, and laughs. She looks off-camera like, "You didn't mean we were supposed to act this excited, right? I mean, nobody has ever heard of these guys."

Only one guy has a microphone and the others are just standing there awkwardly looking at the girls while they keep screeching and covering their faces. Nicole tells us in a split screen that she totally geeked out at seeing these guys. You know, it's probably because they're horny and hoping they're going to be allowed to go out with these boys. They keep jumping around and screaming, but not listening to the one boy lip-synching, since they don't know the words to Plus One's song anyway. Stee totally pushes the coffee table over and storms out of the room. "What's wrong?" I call out. "This is BULLSHIT!" he yells. "Who the fuck are these guys? Who the fuck is Plus One? This is BULLSHIT! They made me think I was going to see *NSYNC." I cannot stop laughing and have to stop the tape. He then comes back into the room and begs me to not put any of that in my recap. But come on, that's too good. He was livid, y'all. It's the most drama Popstars has seen since Ray called Jaymes a bitch. I hope you realize what I'm risking to share that story with you.

For some reason the guys have to stand there while the one keeps on lip-synching. One guy is pretending to sorta dance. It's awkward, so they cut to Maile on a split screen, telling us that she remembers looking at them and thinking they were cute. Oh, now suddenly the other boys have microphones to lip-sync into. I don't know.

Rosanna tells us in a split screen that she froze and tried to stay calm, reminding herself that these were just guys. Man, they are more than "just guys." It's like the headlining act of the Luxor's Nefertiti Lounge just crooned in and they're having a complete fake orgasm over them. And why is Rosanna laying down holding a pillow to talk to us? With a frilly halter. I hate her. The boy stops singing and there's thunderous applause from I guess the rest of the room. Nicole bumps her titties against one of the boys, and he pushes her back and tells her to keep room for Jesus.

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10Next





Get the most of your experience.
Share the Snark!

See content relevant to you based on what your friends are reading and watching.

Share your activity with your friends to Facebook's News Feed, Timeline and Ticker.

Stay in Control: Delete any item from your activity that you choose not to share.

The Latest Activity On TwOP