Shut Up, Ivette

Episode Report Card
Pamie: C- | Grade It Now!
Wah! It's Hard to Stand Still For Pictures!

Cue Sound Cue #203: "David Foster's surprise was a total success. The Plus One performance lifted the girls' spirits." I hate this show. The girls are back at the studio "with a new outlook" to record another song: "One Thousand Words." That's so many words to torture us with. And here's the fun part: it's going to be recorded in both English and Spanish. I think the producers are named Klaus and Jeeves. You can hear Nicole shouting, "Aloha!" and I want her clubbed. And she's wearing that stupid hat again. The narrator reminds us that this song will be special because three of the girls are bi-lingual and come from a Latin background. And because Christina did it.

Cut to the girls flirting with the camera instead of focusing on the song they're recording. For real. Just making out with the lens instead of actually trying to sing a song. The video is later, girlies. Quit giving me goo eyes. Oh, man. We have to hear the whole song, including its eternal intro.

Rosanna tells us in a split-screen that it means a lot to her to have this song on the CD. She says it adds "another texture" and "a lot of sensuality" to the album. Rosanna has worn her sensual do-rag and her textured gypsy loop earrings for this recording session.

Ana Maria sings the shit out of her part, so well that Nicole gives her some serious Manson Lamps, worried that she's fixing to lose her Beyonce standing. Ana Maria tells us in a split screen that singing in Spanish comes more naturally for her. Ivette is happy as hell.

Cut to Nicole in a split screen. "When I sing, um, it's a communication. It's a story. It's something I'm telling you. And when you don't know what you're singing about because it's a different language, it's a little hard." It's called a translation, girl. Look it up.

They keep singing, gesturing, and flirting with the camera.

Maile is all happy and says that singing in Spanish is fun but hard because you have to get "the correct dialogue out." This is not camp, girls. Maile has fun with her dialogue by just making her Spanish as lispy as possible.

Someone let Nicole hit a Mariah Carey Flipper note. I hope that person has been fired. God. Nicole is using the Raised Arm of Accomplishment and Higher Talent.

Ivette flirts with us and sings in Spanish, happy to finally have some recognition. I'm just happy because when she's singing, she can't complain and cry.

Rosanna smells her armpit to a groove and keeps singing right to us. That's fucking sexy.

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