Nicole tells us in a voice-over that she "literally fell asleep." She says she started dreaming. She tells us in her interview that she woke up and didn't know where she was and then she realized where she was and then she was embarrassed for falling asleep in a photo shoot. The Popstars philosophy of editing: Tell, then tell again, tell some more, show a tiny part of it, and then tell it until you don't want to see it anyway. That's how you make a reality show, people.

Driving through a tunnel at night. Traffic at night. The first day of the media tour is over. Have you caught your breath yet? The narrator says, "And even though it was a huge success, the girls are exhausted." What does that sentence mean? Ivette is whining outside a van and it looks like the girls are going to a show and not their hotel. According to their diaries on the Popstars website they went to dinner with Ivette's family that night. And those people make me giggle something fierce. I so wish we had some footage of that.

Nicole takes off her glasses and flirts with the camera. Maile holds some flowers. The narrator says their biggest moment (Cue #92), "Is yet to come." They're going to be on Live! With Regis and Kelly. And it'll be on television! And people might watch it! And then they'll meet a fan. They will hug the fan. They will love the fan. They yell at her for being their first fan as the Tiny Squares of Repetitive Girls and Fun fill the screen. I fall backwards on my bed and wish for a heroin dream. No such luck. Why didn't I try and get that drug habit back in episode three?

This show is brought to you in part by Gap. Where their models are pretty, can sometimes sing, usually can dance, and wear clothes well. Their thirty-second spots are nineteen million times more interesting than this half-hour program. And yes, I mathematically and scientifically calculated that number.

Even this Dr. Pepper commercial has more drama. Will the DJ miss a beat? Will the diva with the Dr. Pepper gobo highlighted on her dress dance outside of her circle? Will she pull out that camel toe so I can stop staring at it?

Will anyone see Spy Kids? Will Robert Rodriguez expect me to see it just because I enjoy his work? Is he ever going to make a movie that I want to see again? Did him and Quentin sign some sort of a pact to stop making good movies until everyone stopped ganking their styles?