Shut Up, Nicole

Episode Report Card
Pamie: F | Grade It Now!
When Will the Fans Stop Screaming, Clarice?

Someone asks Jenny how to spell her name "full-out." Jenny explains that it's "J-E-N-N-Y." The girls sign a poster as the narrator explains that this is only one of seven promotional posters made. Oh, my ass. That room is wallpapered with Eden's Crush posters. ["And doing a print run of seven? That would be oh so economical." -- niki] Travis announces to the girls that he and Jenny have a surprise for her. Jenny's face immediately registers, "Oh, please God. No." But Travis wants to solidify Jenny's place in Loser Hell and makes her stand in front of the rest of the girls. He counts off and says he's going to dance with her. They start dancing to Travis singing the song. The girls all realize that they're supposed to cheer along to this and start making appreciative noises. Ana Maria, Ivette, and Rosanna try not to laugh as Nicole watches with a gaping mouth. Nicole then shouts, "What? What?" The dancing ends and the girls all scream and applaud.

Jenny stands in the middle for a group photo. "It's a moment that Jenny will never forget," the narrator tells us. Ana Maria hugs Jenny. "And neither will Eden's Crush." Yeah, right. Jenny stands with the poster all rolled up and crumpled in her arms as she tells them it was really cool to meet them. She thanks them. Maile hugs her.

After the break they'll finally perform for Jenny, her friends, and lots of paid extras.

You know what's great? All the people that didn't make the callbacks for Popstars now get much more cash doing the Levi's commercials.

Travis is giving the girls a pep talk before they go onstage. He mentions that there are "fifteen hundred people" (go ahead, I'll wait) and that it's "wonderful." He tells them to have fun and enjoy it. He says if they make a mistake to just go on and have fun anyway. Ivette tells the circle, "No matter what? These people came to see us? And to see us have a good time." No matter what.

The girls slowly walk out of the green room and over to the stage as the narrator builds some sort of "tension" that is not unlike the feeling I have right now that this recap will never be finished. Ana Maria tells us in a split screen that she's usually nervous right before she goes onstage. See? That's the importance of a show like this. You'd never know these kinds of struggles without this confessional part of the show.

Some Limp Dipshit guy announces Eden's Crush like he cares. Some other guy in a ski cap stands next to him and cheers. The audience screams their heads off and the girls take the stage. They laugh because they had no idea their budget included paying off fifteen hundred people. People take pictures as the girls all scream things at once into their head mics, so you can't hear anything but the occasional "Chicago!"

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