Popstars
Shut Up, Nicole

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Pamie: F | Grade It Now!
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When Will the Fans Stop Screaming, Clarice?

Oh, I love this line by the DJ: "Eddie, you know I love amazing statistics. Here's one. Sixty thousand people downloaded the new single 'Get Over Yourself' this past weekend alone. Sixty thousand people!" "Eddie," the saddest intern in the land, gives the required whistling noise. The girls forget that they are on the radio and just make surprised faces and stick their tongues out at the news.

The girls take pictures with the DJ and hug him while the narrator tells us that the single is a hit and fifteen hundred people will be at the show. Scream real loud!

The cameraman finds Nicole stumbling around the wet streets of Chicago. She's looking all around and spinning. "We're here in the beautiful windy streets of Chicago!" Someone wrangle that girl back in before she catches pneumonia.

The girls pile into the limo as the narrator tells us that there are only a few hours left before their live performance. Ivette shares her feelings: "If kids are like, 'Ivette! I love you!' or something, I don't -- I -- I -- I'm just gonna love it!"

A tiny Björk girl says (completely unprompted to the camera), "I think Ivette has the best personality." Perhaps Björkette missed the first couple of episodes. A blonde girl behind Björkette agrees. She bounces up and down rhythmically and says, "Yeah. She has the coolest hair, too." Hired Young Girl #48 next to them turns around and asks, "How long do I have to wear this stupid zebra jacket? I look like a fucking moron. Mom! I told you I don't want to be an extra." Ivette giggles and says, "I don't know! I just want them to -- to -- just see me and us and who we are and...and think that we could like, hang out or something!" Ivette wants to hang out with eight-year-old girls. Okay.

Okay, again I have to say here that recapping young girls is very, very hard. If you're one of the young girls that I'm dissing here, you should know that I think it's wonderful that you're getting attention and that you're proud of who you are and you just go out there and do things you want to do. Having said that, you're in a very weird time in your life where you will constantly make poor decisions like clothing, food, make-up, and Eden's Crush. Later you will also look back on this and laugh. But for right now, we'll probably be the only ones laughing.

Cut to a blonde girl in a purple "Cutie" shirt. "Hi, I'm Jenny, and I'm twelve. And I am the ultimate Popstars fan." She sits in front of a Pooh bear, a Garfield, and something that looks suspiciously like an Alf.

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