Popstars
Shut Up, Nicole

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Pamie: F | Grade It Now!
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When Will the Fans Stop Screaming, Clarice?

Some young girl dances the video moves awkwardly and sings while some guy stands behind her and creepily sips from his straw. I remember this segment when it was the opening to The Making of Michael Jackson's "Thriller".

"It's all about Eden's Crush," three girls say like zombies. Why just girls? Where are the sweet gay boys that love Rosanna the drag queen?

Two young girls are singing "feeling you, loving you, filling your desires." They are maybe six. They are wearing t-shirts that have been spray-painted. You know the shirts you can buy at Six Flags that say your name and your boyfriend's name that you see the trashy ones wearing? Yeah, these poor girls are scarred, yo.

Somehow Bea has showed up to this thing. Well, this girl thinks she's Bea, anyway. She's dancing and singing by the video rack.

I got my wish! Sweet gay boys singing their asses off. They've made their own tie-dyed shirts but one's got a jacket over his, so I can only read part of the words written in marker, but it looks like "Eden's Curtis Crush." The one on the right loves Eden's Crush more than the one on the left. They sort of fade out the song when the one on the left doesn't pick up on Ivette's backup parts. He's just pissed that he's not showcased enough in this segment. He adds some hand movements at the end.

This girl with braces says the word "like" seventeen times to explain that she thinks the girls are full of energy, awesome, and are like "normal teens." Teens? Heh.

A very tiny girl in plaid pushes up her glasses and says she thinks they are "very pretty." Where are all of the parents, people? I'd like to hear just one of them go, "Well, they're really just a bunch of asses and titties, aren't they? I miss hearing 'Muthafuckas forgot about Dre' through her bedroom door. It was a simpler time back then. I mean, if the band has skillz, I can understand, but these bitches and hos ain't shit, you know?"

A young boy has been paid to get on his knees and beg Nicole to marry him. Other girls giggle and squeal.

Two girls by the discount rack go into a Bring It On tribute to Eden's Crush. Lightning strikes them immediately for such blasphemy.

"For Jenny and her friends, it's too good to be true." That sounds like a setup, doesn't it? Jenny gets out with her Tweety Bird backpack, and someone helps Little Old Lady Friend to her walker. Inside the store they stand all by themselves as Jenny points out which part of the store is "the stage."

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